A Great Pickup Line - Comments

@ Absteroni
Thanks for your feedback!

Ummm... the plot was really weak. There was no depth to the characters and no development. I don't like your writing style. There is a lot you could improve on. The dialogue was chunky. I found this very juvenile. Its like the beginning of a bad tween book. pertaining to the plot, you could have made it a lot stronger with more character development and growth. It was cheesy. But not in a cute way. In an annoying way. It was awkward. But not in a cute way. In a way that made me question your writing abilities. All in all, It seemed too contrived, and it seemed like you were trying too hard. You should read over your writing before you post it. I can tell that you've only read this a few times and edited it once. With work, you could maybe be a decent writer, but I don't see much potential. Frankly, this was a waste of time.

@ prickly vines
Oh no, thanks so much for your feedback and suggestion! (:

I wish you would make it into a full story! It's so darn cute!

This has just epic cuteness all over it.
I loved how you ended it with his friend saying he should just ask her out. That whole scene was just awkward and I was laughing when he was trying to tell her the pick-up line. :3 It was just all over cute, and awkward, but still cute.

I just have one little nit pick, though. Instead of saying "You liiiiiiiike her" just write it regularly. Then afterwords you can state that the 'I' was drawn out.
Ex: "You like her," Nick teased drawing out the 'I' and making Ace blush.

You don't have to but it just seems more professional that way. Not that you're not professional or anything... oh God. Just ignore that blabber. This little story is really good though. <3

i really liked this one shot.
it's cheesy yes, but soo cute and i think it was perfect, like it wasn't too much and you weren't trying too hard.
(:

this is a really great story...i love the difference in the plot from other stories :)

This was such an awesome one shot! Cute, funny, well written.. Love it!

This is so freaking adorable! I wanna go fall out of a tree now (: Haha, not literally because knowing me I would actually it the ground xD Anyway good story! I laughed the entire time.

This was the cutest and funniest thing, I loved it omg SO GREAT

I love this it's so frickin adorable :)

I loved that last part. Ohmygoodness. This is just too freaking cute. :3

This is the cutest thing I've ever read. I just... I can't... aelifuasdfg;iuasgfliuaegf. :3

This had me giggling the entire time. It's so cute!!! x3

Cheesy, yes, but in the most adorably perfect way!

Best one shot I've read in a very long time! Thank you for writing this!

Awwwwwe. You need to keep going on this! :O

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAWW ADORABLE

You need to write something else for this, lol! Seriously, well done! It most definitely deserved the review it got in the magazine!

I actually loved this, so short! So cheesy and just so amazing :)