Jason's Game - Comments

I like the layout. It describes the story with having how her husband and friend was murdered. With the title, it reminds me of Saw. How Jason is playing a game. I'm super happy that she didn't get an abortion. I hafta say if she did I probably would've stopped reading this story.

Ohai from Comment Swap!~

This is really good. I only got onto chapter one from beginning to end, but I can already tell that this is going to be quite the story. I like the layout, even though it took me forever to focus on the picture enough to call it a gun. xD -- I'm just slow. I really like this. And I love the name Matt, though I can tell that's going to be our bad guy, I presume? Keep it up, darling writer. ^^

(Just an unrelated note: I kind of stared at the screen before I began reading the actual story, because my name's Hayley and my boyfriend is Matt. Weird. Though it's not like the names are uncommon, I guess.)

I do want to agree with forever young about Hayley's parts of the story. Rape is nothing to be written lightly - maybe it's been six years, but something that traumatic doesn't just go away. It would probably affect the way she deals with her daughter as well - and I don't feel any of the seriousness or gravity of the situation here.

On the other hand, Jason's scenes are very well written. Though the victim is a little bit questionably written, the attacker is actually pretty spot-on. There's a very possessive, manic energy about his narration that's pretty scary, and I appreciate that.

I just strongly urge you to do a lot of research on rape trauma and how it changes a person, to help you along.

Yay she killed him I'm sad she killed herself though. Great story.

wow, this is really interesting. i don't think i've ever read anything quite like it. i love the difference between the two main characters, it's really interesting change between them and i like it. i can't wait to read what else is coming up here. <3

I'm from comment swap and I'm here to be honest. So sorry if you aren't digging what I have to say

So, there are a few things I'm not sure if I like.

For one, there's a lack of development in this story. While it's awesome that you jump right in, we don't know what you're jumping into. I'm only on chapter five, so hey, it might come later and I'm just being a twat.

Two, I'm a little nit picky about rape. Because I know a lot about it, personally and otherwise, Hayley's feelings suffice, but just barely. When you're brutally raped, there is a lot more trauma and stress and hurt feelings. While she holds on to it, it seems like she's just moved on. Nobody is that strong. Time don't heal that fast.

I LOVE Jason's P.O.V. I like the inside of his mind, it gives me chills. Externally, there are a few cliches I could do without. I'll keep reading, I think this has potential, but it's a diamond in the rough.

That fucking bastard deserves to fucking rot in Hell -.-

Yes I cried. I still can't believe it!

I hope she kills that sick freak! Good job though.

O.O She loves him? She loves that pathetic excuse for a person?! What?!

By the way, thanks for spreading the word about my contest

Lol. I'm.. Shocked you commented on my profile, thank you.. It's ok bout the night mares I'm kinda jealous that two such young writers are so talented.

Wow... I hate to say it but I'm addicted to this story.. I even had some nightmares and tried to stop reading and couldn't. Can't wait to see what happens next

The background made it a little distracting to read, but honestly you have a greally great story going on here, your descriptions are good; the back story flows…and all in all you have a great way with description. So keep up the great writing! Also just a warning, Emotional Wind is a troll he’s leaving the same review for every story, just copying and pasting; he left the same one on mine so his review has no credibility. The best thing for people to do is start reporting him.

Comment swap sent me here;
To be honest, the summary didn't quite pull me in, but I read it anyways. There were a few grammatical errors, but other than that, I liked what I read. Keep up the good work! :)

For some stupid reason, the comment swap sent me back here, I think I didn’t write enough about your book or something, so ignore this, it’s just me crapping on until I read two hundred words, sorry about this. A a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a av v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

I love this! Just as good as the prequel, if not better.

By the way, I have another contest up. If you or any of your friends on here wanna check it out, the link is right here

This is great! I've read the prequel and this sequel matched well.
Reading this story is showing that there's jealousy that brings jason into a psycho. And I love Ammorette. She's smart at her age and could understand about her mom easily. Keep going and update soon.
I wanna see what happens next, whether jason will be a psycho forever or not. :D