Murphy 1 - Comments

-comment swap-

This story is a lil bit confusing, but I wonder if you did it like that on purpose. Grammar-wise, you had a lot of run-on sentences. It seemed more like something someone would be explaining like in a conversation, rather than a story. I'd also put a lot more thought into it and make it longer. Maybe set a goal of 400 words, then work your way up? And an outline should help as well. Have fun writing!

(comment swap)

I'm not entirely sure what to say about this story, is definitely interesting. The first chapter was kind of short, and a little bit confusing, but I'm sure it will make more sense as you get further into the story. Good luck :)

Comment swap brought me here - not entirely sure what happened, is this like another part? If so it came up like an entirely new story. Strange I got this and then before got the other to review, but all the same you have an interesting way of writing - to add another chapter go into the story and click add chapter - otherwise you’re going to have a confusing time. Good luck!