Comment swapper here. This is well written and flows together. In my opinion, it's a tad cliche, but what isn't nowadays? Amiright? Lol anyways, my only real vice with this is the formatting. You really should double space between each paragraph and dialogue. Other than that, good job.
Is it just me or is the layout weird? The words are the same colour as the background which is really annoying but that might just be my silly laptop. Other than that slight annoyance it's really good, I dont know much about the guy or anything but the way you write just makes me want to keep reading this story :) please continue!
((Comment swapp))I haven't read much (i don't have time) and i don't really know much about this band (? I'm assuming) so I can't say much, but I like your writing style and its well written :) But ya... good job so far :) keep writing!
(Comment swap) Ohlala!! I only read the first chapter. I don't even know who this Jack guy is but I really loved this first chapter. I just hated the name 'babe'. That's what my brother and his dumb ass bitchy girlfriend call each other. I hate it and it makes me want to lite her on fire as she should me.....sorry for the rant. i really love the dialogue between the two. If you added the bathroom scene, I will totally want to read it. XD Anyways, I think I'm going to check. :) I really liked this I feel like I should say again.
i need to find more synonyms for the word 'cute' they are adorable? beautiful? anything along that line i actually kinda liked his mullet! ;) cant wait for more <3
I'm from comment swap :) and I love your story. No clue who John O'Callaghan is, I will Google him now XD. I love you writing style, a little like mine, but you have better descriptive way, which is good. Its an easy story to follow as well. I am keen to read any new writings of your's :). Keep writing :)
Hey, comment swapper here.... first off I have no idea who John O' Callaghan is, so I'm not sure if this would cause confusion for me furhter on in the story. Your layout has a personal pet peeve of mine - neon colours against black but it is still readable and I love the background!
Your writing style is slightly awkward, with a lot fo short sentences rather than using comma's and conjunctions.. however it is easy to follow and I'm sure fans of this mysterious O' Callaghan would like it, ahaa Good luck with your writing :)
The first paragraph was really good with description, and then it got to the dialogue and there was barely any description within the dialogue, and it's some that could be added. Also, the centered style makes it a little awkward. Now, this story has potential if you were fix the text style, add description, and so on. I really hope this comment doesn;t discourage you.