Sugar Pink - Comments

Comment swap. I loved this! It was so interesting and felt as if it were much longer than it actually was, which I typically don't feel with shorter works. I loved how this was descriptive, but also included meaningful diologue. I am so glad that I was brought to this, and I would love to see a longer story on Elle! The twist got me hooked! Great job.

Comment swap here! I really enjoyed this story. Short stories are probably my favorite type to read, but it's hard to come across a good one on here. However, I think you did an amazing job! You did an exceptional job of building two 3-dimensional characters in such a short time without it being overwhelmingly full of descriptions. I don't know how to effectively put into words just how much I enjoyed this, but I really, truly did! Great job!

This was a very interesting short story to read. You did really well on providing a ton of details, specifically about Elle, through Paul's eyes, but you also provided a ton of detail about Paul. I would definitely like to see either this story or others through Elle's point of view, because I'd like to get inside her head a lot more. You really did a great job taking a small scene of their life and expanding on it. You are a great writer, and I will definitely have to check out Queen of the World soon, I would now, but alas I am at school.

Fantastic work, and I am really excited to read other things that you do with Elle's character!

Please write more on Elle : ) Love this, and Queen of the World

I read this, so I can't leave without commenting. But I don't exactly know what to say - and this isn't a bad thing. It's just that this has sent a lot of thoughts swirling through my head.

I love that you've just taken a scene out of nowhere, and yet you've managed to build an entire story around it. I somewhat feel like I know these two characters, even though all I've seen of them is this little one-shot. And that's a wonder to behold.

I liked the line about everybody being a cliché, because it's absolutely true. And for some reason, I liked that this ended so suddenly. It doesn't always work, but somehow you've made it do so.

Anyway, this was good. =)

xoxo
HJ.

I like that last sentence: “Or Elle,” she said absently, and suddenly, I knew way more than I wanted to. It's be cool to see more about her. I liked the layout, and you did good on the pink, because most people would have made the background so bright you wouldn't be able to look at the page.

I'd like to read more about Elle. I love the stories that capture little moments in time--you know they're good when they leave you wanting more from it then it gives you.

Amazing, from beginning to end. it reminds me of that movie with kirsten stewart in it where she's a prostitute and she's like 15 and that man takes her in and pretends to be her dad. Everything about this piece I love, and oneshots like these that come out of the blue without necessarily any point or method or meaning - have so much impact just for that reason.

I love this. The layout was gorg. I wish the ending wasn't just hanging. I wanna know more!!! I love this ( I just said that), but this is amazeballs.

Dear daisyfairy,

We are the Knights of Comment Swap, and the King barely caught time to send us. Between the extremely short time frame of this story and your slighting tricks from your fairy behavior, you were extremely hard to catch.

The difficulty in finding you was appeased slightly with your interesting use of detail. However, the lack of background description threw the story off. Although you say the characters are cliche, you didn't bring them to light in a unique way. Leaving the Knights ultimately confused.

What does this story mean? We don't know. The King won't tell us. he says we are too young and the lack of character personality makes it all the more confusing for us.

So we leave you with this. Although we hate to go. We have caught onto your wings and all of our swords have fallen. With nothing left to cut paper with, we must cut this message short.

This was interesting. I'm not really sure what the point was to it but hey that doesn't have to matter. I didn't catch any grammar or spelling mistakes, so that's good. And I like how you detailed the lipstick imprint after she took a bite of her sandwich. These characters feel like they could have a lot of potential.

Is this just a one-shot or is it an entire story because if it is I'd like to read it.

Comment swap brought me here by the way.

Oh wow I loved this story; I had such instant empathy with the characters. The plot was unique and extremely well-written. In short, I really love this! I'd love to see more of your work <3

Start off with the fact that I loved the layout. You write like a professional. I could literally see the entire scene playing out in my head as I read. The way you strategically slipped in pieces of information about the characters through their words or actions or thoughts was brilliantly executed and made for two characters who I was emotionally attached to by the end.

~Comment Swap~
(Had To Write A Longer Comment)

I really liked the story. I love how you really make the scene pretty much a real room in my mind. I loved it. I feel like not only were the characters in the story but like i was too. I loved how you gave just enough information to understand what was going on in his current live. I really liked the waitress. She was interesting and mysterious. I loved it overall. And when you seem like you know what is going on your suddenly in the blank. It is like we are the characters instead of them because of 3rd person you should know what is going on the whole time but you dont.

I like the summary, I was reading it out loud and my boyfriend was walking by and he stopped, giving me a very strange look, it was funny.

You set the scene very nicely in the first two paragraphs, I can actually picture a simple little diner in a small town with a few tired stragglers hanging about, it's nicely done.

I like the waitress girl too, she seems interesting, not the typical diner girl persona that I think of.

Your dialogue is very fluid too, it came off as realistic and I really am enjoying it.

I hope you win/won this contest you entered, because this is a masterpiece of a story. =D I'm glad the comment swap brought me here.

I loved this! It was really interesting. The girl is very mysterious and the guy doesnt seem to know anything but in the end it seems he knew everything. I love it :D

~Comment Swap~
This was really beautiful. The layout is lovely and simple and eye-catching. And the story itself; wow! Just absolutely wonderful. I loved the idea and your dialogue and descriptions were perfect. Good luck with your contest! I hope you win. :)

-Comment Swap-

This is amazing! First of all, I love one shots (I'm pretty sure that's what this is anyways...) and how they start of kind of in the middle of the story with no intro and you learn things as you go. I like the characters so much! They seem real and even though they are 'typical cliches' they are unique and believable. Great job:)