Fastest Girl In Town - Comments

Hey! I was just wondering if this story was still active?!

I love the new updates!

New chapter is so interesting. Stacia's personality just comes off the pages.

Oh my Goodness, I love the whole thing!! Please continue, can't wait for six!!

Completely loving this!!!

sister's should be sisters*

LOL the field they were SUPPOSED to be on.
Nice new update, it's fantastic.

Please do keep writing! We are eager for more! :P

Dear Heaven's Devil,

It didn't take long to find you. Among the angel's you stood right out. Thus, here we are at your story.

So far your story has been quite interesting, but the King has sent us with some suggestions. We are the Knights of Commenting and we wish to bring you towards the light.

First, however, we will turn off the bulb so you don't go blind as you walk towards it. See, under this light we have a few suggestions.

We carved them into our swords. You can keep one if you like.

Take a look:

Bring your characters to life with details.

This first one means that you need to give your characters details, and you truly have a lot of them, so we are really impressed. However, the side characters that you brought in need to be explained as well. Otherwise they will appear useless.
Also don't bring in too many side characters you aren't going to explain or use for the story. Although so far you have done a good job.

Avoid cliches.

We suggest you take this sword as a keepsake. The main character wasn't looking in the mirror because that's expected, make up is expected so she didn't put it on, etc. But we don't really want to hear what she wasn't doing. We want to hear what she was doing. The readers and Knights who read you story can clear the cliches ourselves as you go through the story. You need to tell us what she does. Not what she doesn't do.

Play with sentence length.

Take a look at this beat:
"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

Hide your main story.

By this we mean to give some details about your story in the description, but don't give everything. You told us that there was a guy coming into the picture, and through the first two chapters he hasn't shown up. Don't keep the readers waiting. They'll get bored. They'll leave.

However, Knights keep going till the battle is won. And seeing as our King has only literary pursuits since he read the Hunger Games, we hardly even get paper cuts. However, our Blacksmith, who is also a Knight, does quite a lot of work to make our Error Swords, those swords with engravings in them is what we mean. But you knew that because we already hinted at it.

We want to say the good as well.

We like your narrator voice. It's clear, understandable and strong. You can use this to develop a lot of things you want to hide. You can use other characters and dialogues to bring in those secrets later to reveal them. The best kind of voice you can use is naive. Meaning the character only knows what they see, touch and hear etc. They don't know about everyone and everything else. But they can guess.

We look forward to reading your original story more. Continue writing.

Forever Heaven's,

The Knights of Commenting