in the making - Comments

Here from comment swap, and it was nice to get your story since i haven't seen any modern fantasy in a while. The summary is certainly intriguing and so is the first chapter. I'd be interested to see what happens, what's discovered, and what the summary exactly means. I think the biggest thing might be your dialogue seems a little off. For one thing, you mention that it's very rude to ask species, but she seems to know instantly that she has a siren in the shop, and despite it being rude to talk about species, she doesn't mind going into what seems like intimate details. But other than that this is is interesting, and I'm glad to have read it.

I found this very interesting I haven't read a good 'fantasy' story in a while. I love the fact that she is a an old 'ghost', something I wonder is she weird around her customers at all since she hasn't left where she died in a hundred years and her speech is more like an average person wouldn't it be more of past speak? Unless she gets a lot of customers that's the only way I could really she her speaking so normally. I don't know maybe I'm just getting into deep. Well I can't wait to read more.

This is very interesting! I like the whole 'fantasy' concept you have going on. This is the first story on here that I have read that is like this! You have a nice way of describing things too, and it's not overbearing.
Your punctuation and grammar is good! Your characters are interesting so far. I can't wait to learn more about Verdandi. Just whole her situation is intriguing.
One thing though, I feel like your summary clashes with your first chapter. It just kind of confused me after I started reading. It doesn't really make sense how she thought she needed to be dead to be a ghost, but she is dead from what I've learned so far. But maybe I'm just over thinking that!
Other than my confusion, you have a great start to a story! I can't wait to see where you take this!