Kids In Love. - Comments

This is going to be good. (: I can already tell im going to be addicted to reading this!!!!!!

-Comment Swap-

I really, really liked the concept of this story. Writing it from her point of view, you managed to get across how she feels to the reader; it's written like a stream of consciousness, in which she occasionally slips up and almost admits to what she won't admit to. I feel like she's going to be a complex character, which is nice because a lot of characters in stories nowadays seem very flat and one dimensional.

I'd love to see where you take this; nicely written! I only had a few qualms with your grammar - nothing major - and I agree with the person below about the line spacing. I'd double space it just in case, because you may get into both from the Editors, just letting you know :)

Anyway, really good story - can't wait to see what happens next!

**Brought here by comment swap**

I'm liking how this story is starting off. However, I think that extra spacing would be nice. It would help make everything not look so crammed and as if it was one paragraph.

I do love the way you describe the guy from her point of view and how she feels toward him. It really makes me see things from her point of view and understand how she feels much easier. Definitely hope to see more!