August 9th, 2008 at 06:24pm
This has been in my drafts for waaaaay too long :cheese:
By now he regretted that choice more than ever before.
They had thought it was what they needed to grow stronger, bigger. Better.
Isn't it funny some with the means to achieve luxury turn out to despise it in the end? How they realise that no matter how much money you throw at a situation to try and make it better, only to realise that's the last thing they needed. Even before this section, you can tell that he's not satisfied with the mansion, by the way he describes it as dirty and silent. That doesn't exactly ring true with someone who's bought his way to cloud nine.
But his kid brother was out there, somewhere. His kid brother who had so often been the eldest one. He was out there somewhere.
Dying.
Ack, that last words enough to kill me completely. Dying? It's so extreme, so final. They way you say it, with Gerard in the mansion, Mikey in the 'outside world,' it almost seems like Gerard just can't help him. He's too stuck in his own world of forced luxury that he can't even save his own brother, the one he always looked up to, the one who always saved him.
It's such an emotional rollercoaster, watching Gerard as he drives himself to exhaustion, just to find his brother, to help? To comfort? Or just to be with him? That last strand of brotherly affection, one of mere and yet effective presence.
“My brother’s dying,” he said to himself. “My brother’s fucking dying, out there destroying himself and all I’m motherfucking doing is hurting everyone mentally and myself physically. Just like my dear little brother.” He paused.
“What the fuck am I doing?!” he yelled, realizing the error of his ways.
Such a wonderfullly-worded epiphany. Well, it probably could be made more poetic by having less use of the word 'fucking,' but then again, it does wonders to show he isn't exactly in the greatest state of mind or emotional balance. He still does care! He still loves him! Even if it might be too late, he still does.
“He’s not gone, Bob. He’s not,” he tried again, but as he finished, his eyes met his brother’s gravestone.
This was too perfect. THe true meaning of 'too late,' I'd think.
You always hear of people who never get to say goodbye, never get to renew a friendship, never get to say how they really feel, before it's too late, and more often than not, you don't think that it's their fault, but more of a cruel twist of fate, something that can only be remembered as a ghost of the past that should not belong; that if there was any justice in the hands of fate, would never belong. But when something's that final, and there's only one heart beating, you can't do anything except to blame yourself. And that's the hardest thing.
“He couldn’t watch you being eaten away, Gerard. He couldn’t just stand there and watch them push his hero into self-destruction again. He’d had enough. All of us have.”
Imagine being Gerard, right there. Having to come to terms with your brothers death, and then having one of your former friends, one of your band 'mates' saying it was your fault. Saying his little brother couldn't cope with his role model. Getting Gerard to think it was just his fault; if only he had been stronger, if only he'd coped for Mikey's sake, if only he hadn't shown his little brother how easy it was to hide, then maybe he'd still have the chance to admit those things to him, face to face.
This whole thing was just...
:arms:
The ending was awesome, too. The fact that it was too late was so heart wrenching, it was so powerful. I really enjoyed this. And I’ll stop stalking your stories now :tehe: