Scattered - Comments

chapt. 1 I think for the first chapter you have great development of characters, especially Quin. Usually the reader would have to read a few more chapters to understand the character but in this case it's all right there. I know that Quin seems very outspoken and tough; even with his mother. I like that although Quin seems sturdy and strong, he has a soft spot for his mother despite his mother's...behavior and addiction.

chapt.2 In this chapter I notice that Quin and his mom love each other but at the same time they sort of have a corrupt relationship. I feel legitimate sadness for Quin and his difficult life, how he has to take care of his mother when it should be vise-versa. -- I wouldn't be able to deal with a mother like that.

One thing I want to point out is the dialog of Quin. He's a teenager right? And a rebellios one at that. I think he should speak modernly when it comes to him and his mom. Perhaps you're trying to show us that Quin simply had respect for his mom which is why he says 'mother,' but instead of 'mother' just say 'mom.' It just sounds better and flows nicely in my head rather than 'mother' because I picture a boy who is filled with angst and picturing him saying mother to me just doesn't go. It sounds too choppy. Also when Quin mutters, 'How tedious.' You should replace that with something modern too. Or just make him say nothing but 'sigh in annoyance,' or something of the sort.

Wow I think it's so unfair that Quin got in trouble with the principle; what was said about his mother was uncalled for -- he had to defend her (I would have too).

Nice cliffhanger for this chapter. ;)

chapt.3 The scene with Quin and Mr. Malone was a a very powerful scene to me. I like that he cares about Quin but even so Quin loves his mother dearly and can't imagine not talking care of her. This scene flowed nicely.

I also like Drew and Quin's relationship. Drew seems like a good friend considering he's concerned with Quin's mom.

Wow, another cliffhanger ;) I like cliffhangers, especially because both Quin and Sparrow seem like they havebe completely different personalities.

Overall this was a good read and the layout has a nice color scheme to it. I love the green and then light green and vintage looking banner. :)

Hello, this is from comment swap. I skimmed, not gonna lie. Half way through the first chapter I was quite confused on the time period. The way they were speaking made it seem like the early 1940's. I don't know, the layout was lovely and i mean. You did good, just confused because you made references to modern day things but your context seemed to say other wise.

Brought here from comment swap. Love the layout ^_^ Really like the summary too. For some reason I pictured Tate from American Horror story season 1 as Quinn when I started chapter one. I’m loving this story, so well written. Love Quinn too, he’s so badass and cute all at the same time! Can’t wait to see what happens next! Subscribed and recommended!

Good LAWD this is Ahhhmaaazinngg. Oh man, I love everything about this, the storyline is awesome and your layout is beyond gorgeous. I love that you refer to Footloose because that is mah movie. Laahhhve it. Anywhoo, I also enjoy Quin's personality and cannot wait to read more of this because it's awesome and I'm recommending you (:

I just started reading this and I really love Quin especially his whole personality and they way he cares and acts toward his mom. I can't wait to find out what will happen at the retreat.

love the updates. keepcoming. this story has LOTS of potential!!!

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Quin is so cute. ♡ ♡ ♡
Update please!

yay i love the update. cant wait for more!!! Quin is a real bad ass or so it seems. cant wait till u put the girl in the picture how he will act. update soon!!

Liking this so far and I'm definitely liking how well it's written.
There were a couple of minor grammar errors so make sure you go back and read over carefully when you're editing.
Looking forward to more.

what this story needs more attention!!
Your a great writer && quin sounds sexyyyy>.<
update soon♥
subscribed.

aesome story keep it coming. i like it =)