"Fuck the pancakes" made me laugh out loud. I liked that a lot. It's totally Bam. I also really liked the whole "...Pleading with him to just--fuck--do it already." I love being in her head.
Over all, this was fucking brilliant. The end made me laugh because it reminded me of my best friend. She always says "Pussy and a pancake, real nigga breakfast." because she's super white it's funny as fuck.
Anyhoo, the only negative thing I have to say, is that it would be "The breakfast for champions." not of.