I really like your story. The plot is good and your writing is pretty good as well. The only thing I have to say is read what you wrote before you post. I'm not too big on grammar- I'm not good at it, nor spelling- but you have a bunch of silly errors for example it says not instead of next somewhere in there. I must say, however, I do love the story and the chapter. I can't wait for you to update, and if you post enough chapters I would love to review this story for Mibba Magazine :)