August 29th, 2016 at 10:01pm
I really think you should have a beta go over this. There are a lot of grammatical errors and things you probably just accidentally looked over by mistake. You also have quite a few run on sentences. :/
The girl in this story seems like a brat. I guess that's how you're trying to make her come off? It's working, haha. She's very snotty and rude. Not the average chick you'd like to meet on the street.
This is sorta cliche and common, something you'd see in a movie, but then again, all stories end up like that. I'd like to see who her competition is!
Oh this reminds me of Mean Girls, Henri being Regina George, of course.
I do agree thst maybe you could get a beta reader to go over this, but don't let that get you down! Writing isn't easy and it takes years to perfect, we're all here to perfect it!
I personally am not too seduced by high school stories but I do love Mean Girls (guilty pleasure) and I enjoyed your story, please keep writing !