Figment - Comments

I'm here judging the drabble section of my pre-writes contest!

I love how choppy this is overall. Someone mentioned it below, but that style of writing works perfectly with the idea of the narrator's mindset and it just makes the overall idea conveyed within the piece itself more hard-hitting. The wording is simple without being too bare and the way that you've injected emotion into every single word is pretty crazy. I have no idea how you did it, but the entire thing was really relateable.

I think everyone's felt like this in some form or time, but I don't think I've ever read it put into words and you just described it perfectly. Your writing style is spot-on and you've got a lovely way of describing things. Lovely job!

The layout is really cool! It’s very appropriate to the story.

A lot of people, including myself, can relate to this drabble. One thing that’s different about this though is the way you describe it as being a figment of someone’s imagination. That’s a really cool concept. Most people just describe it as having no control and that’s it, but this is the first time I’ve seen it being portrayed as a figment of someone’s imagination. It gives the whole piece a creepy vibe. Obviously, this narrator is lost and confused and the figment idea blurs the lines of reality.

Thanks for entering my contest!

Candy Sticks Two

Summary; Okay, there isn't really a summary. But this looks like it might be a bit weird, or scary. Just because it's all dark and the banner kind of creeps me out a little. I do like it though, I think it looks quite gritty and cool. Oh, and I'm totally entered in this contest. It's safe to say that your is much better than both of mine. Good luck with it, I hope you place!

Story Content; The confusion of the narrator is conveyed superbly by the short almost choppiness of the sentences but with the sentences still be quite detailed in the sense of structure. Again, I didn't see any mistakes and I thought the story was absolutely superb it definitely made me think and made me try to imagine how the narrator felt.