Of Saints and Sinners - Comments

oh my god this story is amazing. please please please update soon because your writing is just flawless.

Ugh this is perfect! Pleeeease update soon!

Please continue the story. :(

This is a very... powerful story. I'm surprised at the powerful imagery used in it and I can't believe I got so... mentally charged in the story. It feels like you really know what you're talking about and you know where it is you're trying to go with this. I quite love your writing and, while I'm not one who'd be the good guy, I can't say the character doesn't take me aback a little bit.

It all seems like you're more recounting what's already happened in the past, than telling a story that's purely imaginatory. It's an amazing piece, and you ought to feel amazing for writing it, so says I!

I can't help but feel like I may have done the same had I been in Julian's shoes, but I'm not so sure. He's not natively the complete opposite of me, but he's different enough from me that I raise an eyebrow when I read how he talks and how he acts.

This boy will wreck the world.

Comment swapper here!
When I found that I'd gotten this story to comment, I flipped. I'd been subscribed since I first seen it posted but I never commented, but now here I am!

First off, the layout. Wow, that's really amazing what you did. I love almost everything about it. The shadowing does get a bit tedious, but that's my sole opinion. I'm sure many people love it!

Your style of writing is divine. It's like, the first breath of spring air. It's sort of addicting, y'know? And you always want more. That's just the best way I could describe it.

You're really good at editing your work, because I barely found any grammar and spelling mistakes. So, thumbs up to that.

All in all, I loved this, it was incredible, and I hope to here more from this!

Your imagery is very strong and you build a very strong description of Julian. Your use of descriptive language is amazing! What I'm really wondering is how the heck someone as evil as Julian is going to fall for a goody-good!

Yikes, this guy is crazy.

I'm in love with this story, please update my love! <3

LOL, he's evil.

gvjgdhbdjbhdb oh my god.

I'm glad you liked my comment. It takes others several tries to understand me. Thanks for giving me a chance. Now I have to go. Your imagery is so strong that I feel I will choke in the clouds of smoke.

Dear endlessly she said.,

We found you at the tip of a cliff. Waiting. Winds swirling around you.

The King sent us for you, he also sent us because the smoke streaming off your pages was too disgusting for his noble hands. He didn't want any part in it.

He sent us for literary purposes. He has long ago opted out of violent ways of life and turned more fully to academics and truth. It is inevitable, though, for a Kingdom to face war after all.

We are the Knights of Comment Swap here for your story.

Let us begin.

Your story seems horrible. The swearing, the smoke, the terrible attitude and then the endless hate and despair that wafts off the main character. The main character's despair and horrid traits just burn the story around him.

"Too wild for myself?" Sounds like someone wants to change.

The way the main character describes themselves makes you, the author, sound really against what they are doing. We hope you are because he is surely causing the King to reconsider banning beheading.

The best aspect of your story is your description and your foreshadowing of the change. From the description the idols that glare at him to be ashamed seem strange. They pop out because Christianity doesn't have idols, or well it shouldn't. And the way you are setting up for this "saint-like" person to show up is intriguing. Like, the amount of knowledge and proper upbringing and background and care and patience and morals she would have would make her an interesting character. Someone who is actually religious perhaps.

The King is even excited about this aspect. He has a suggestion:

"I am fully willing to aid your story in a sense. To bring in a twist. What if the girl who comes in was a Muslim girl? I could bring you some information to help you bring this out. You seem open to new things. Looking for fresh ideas.

Speaking of fresh ideas. It is always fun to play with sentence length. Although the smoke might stream through the sentences, at least they can flow along slightly without the searing billows of the tobacco clouds.

Here:"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

The most surprising aspect of your story is the nun. How can a religious person be like that?! We guess it makes sense from the stories of missionaries we have learned about and how they hurt Native Americans incessantly. The whole religious aspect is constantly being question in our mind. Just like, as we suppose, the main character is doing. So well done there.

The way your subtle details pricked at our imaginations calls for a change, something new, something like the King's suggestion.

We hope you the best in your writing and hope you take out the swearing as each new word pushes us straight out of the story.

Truly,

The Knights of Comment Swap

Comment Swap~

It looks like a great read, a little cliche, but I think it has a lot of potential. I can't wait to see how the religious school girl element plays against the bad boy element. I think you can do a great job with this story, and I have no complaints with the writing!

I really liked the start of this! I love his character- he's a little cliche (which I love), but still totally original (which is even better). I can't wait to read what's next!

This story is going to be one of my favorites, I can already tell. :D

I know I'm going to love this. Can't wait for it to start :)