Last Train to London - Comments

So I'm going to give this another shot to see if it works; for some reason comment swap still says I owe you a comment. Just want to see if this works or not.

Is it strange that I picture the little old lady in the third chapter like a female Einstein looking thing? Haha.

I'm glad you took out the love at first sight bit; it really helps. Makes it more believable and realistic. So I appreciate your consideration in regards to my comment there. Early onset infatuation is totally understandable. So that much I can approve of and enjoy.

Anyhow. Best of luck if you consider continuing this!

Very cute, a little more setting would be wonderful. :) Oh and more purpose! What's gonna happen what's gonna happen!

@ LettersToNormandy
I'm working on the layout issue, with the difficulty-of-reading thing. And I edited a bit so it wasn't all "love at first sight" and overwhelming. Thanks so much for your feedback. :)

@ shelbyvengeance
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. There's going to be a few more chapters, yes. Thank you for the feedback! :)

@ Bella Everdeen.
I understand where you're coming from, and hopefully this clears it up a little. I had Kiernan say "sorry" because I wanted him to be sort of awkward and also "sorry" is a very British word. "Sorry" is used for tons of different situations, and sitting down by a stranger on a train is uncomfy and so I wanted to emphasise that. I changed it a bit in the second chapter so that she clarifies that she's not actually "IN LOVE in love", it's just sort of a fancy. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it very much, but I really appreciate your feedback. :)

I feel like the concept could be cute, but it feels very unlikely. I mean, first of all I don't understand why he has to apologize for sitting down. It's not her train, and the seat was free. If it's free, you sit. Period. I find it a little creepy that she gives him her full name, and it seems a bit rushed that she says she's in love in the second chapter already. I don't know. The concept and story is cute, but it doesn't have any real depth and feels too farfetched.

Lovely story. I love how it takes place on a train and they instantly start talking. The layout is pretty good (to me at least.) You are an amazing writer. You describe everything so well. You also do an amazing job at telling what each character is thinking about the other, as well as the old lady. Just curious to know, but is there going to be more chapters? I hope there is. :)

Here from comment swap.

Oooh Goodness. First, it's nearly impossible to read the text on the background, like ouch my eyes; this is going to be difficult. I don't want to switch it to the default layout but I really might have to because I'm getting a headache after the first few lines.

This seems really cute; not much the matter in the first chapter. The conversation between your two characters flows pretty well, it doesn't seemed forced or cheesy and it's nice to see that they're just talking, and not blatantly hitting on each other, that's lovely.

Admittedly the last line threw me for a loop, how had she not noticed what? She just met the guy, what was there to notice that she thinks she should have in their very brief meeting?

Oooh goodness, you threw out the "L" word so soon on in the second chapter, she's known him a few hours and she loves him? I hope that was just an exaggeration of a slight crush, it's just really really quick for that word, and some readers might really get a bit turned off by that, just a heads up.

It was a cute read though, enjoyable. Best of luck with it.

Working on the layout. :)