July 28th, 2014 at 08:48pm
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Hey! I think this story is really interesting, although I still don't quite get the whole picture. Like, the reasons they were there, or something. Will you be posting more chapters in the future? I'm going to subscribe to see what happens :DSeptember 10th, 2012 at 08:05pm
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So I am super psyched to see a science fiction story on Mibba. I pretty much never come across them on this site, which sucks. The summary could use a bit more pizzazz, but the story line is really interesting. I'm subscribing to see what else happens. (:September 9th, 2012 at 05:55am -
-There's a minor error in your first sentence in the summary.
-This story is interesting, but it would be better in first person major and if you separated it into more defined paragraphs.
-The dialogue is good, but maybe work on making it a little more believable, make it flow better, add some actions after.
-The setting of this story, I hope, will be more defined in the following chapters?September 9th, 2012 at 01:35am
This is intriguing. It sounds like it has the potential to be a really interesting story. I like that you’ve left things so murky. Solei and her team are space travelers on a mission to save the world, but one of her team is clearly not as virtuous as he seems, and the lack of chronological order could really amp up the suspense! I love that! I think the multiple viewpoints are going to prove very useful, too. Just make sure you give each viewpoint character different enough personalities that we can tell them all apart and remember which is which!
I also like the layout – it’s pretty, simple, and easy to read – but I’m not sure it matches the story. It feels really feminine and serene. But I don’t know, that may be perfect for your story as it progresses. Just something to keep in mind!
The only thing I can think of that really needs a fix is your mechanics. Double back and give your spelling and grammar a look over, otherwise it’s lovely. I might also ditch the parenthesis chapter titles. Just use the ones you’ve created. Those titles are so much better than the generic “chapter one, chapter two, etc.”
Nice job!