Only the Troubled Die Young - Comments

(I’m from Comment swap.)

I’ve really enjoyed the plot of the story until this point, but it’s still quite early to say. I feel you could improve on the descriptions a bit; all I know about the main character is that she’s got dyed black hair and blue eyes, does she share any features with her family, i.e the same nose? How do other people perceive the way that she looks? I don’t really need to know that she is skinny/pale etc but it would add a bit of depth if other characters commented or if she compared herself to other people. It’s a bit early on but I think a bit of a backstory would be nice; how has her mother gone from a well-to-do business owner to a woman who is taking a backseat in her daughter’s lives?; How did Logan and Scarlett meet?

I like how Scarlett has essentially become a mother to her sister and how her sister is reacting and (a previous comment does mention this and I agree) it would be a great plot if Scarlett and her sister actually fall out over this and eventually make up and have a better relationship than ever.
Again it’s early on but it would be good if you could bring in some of the side effects of her eating disorder, maybe she would feel lightheaded a lot, have stomach cramps etc

Really glad I was given this story because it was an enjoyable read.

against what I originally thought when I started to read this, I quite enjoyed it. There are thibgs I can't really relate to since the educational system where I live is very different from the one in your story but overall, I think I've tried to be Scarlet before but to my cousin. Tried to help her through school and open her eyes towards what she has to see not what she wants to see. And I really liked where this is going. I'm looking forward to how her relationship with her sister and not only will develop. I'm curious about that teacher too because that can lead somewhere.

from comment swap :)
firstly, i really like the overall form of the story. i think the pieces are great lengths and you leave them off at moments where you want to continue reading, but it's not frustratingly so. i think you've pretty much got the chapter/piece length down!
with regards to your characters, i feel like you need to show more, rather than tell. we don't really need a description of what either character looks like, as many people prefer to imagine the characters themselves, but we do need to see why one character relates to the other in such a way. exploring the relationship would be more beneficial to the story now and further down the line, rather than wasting narrative time on the descriptions. (unless her physical appearance is absolutely crucial to the story/her character.)
i imagine the cutting and body-image will be addressed at a later date and hopefully these issues will lend themselves to some character development. i also hope that the issues with her sister will develop and while you could include a point where the relationship completely breaks down, a moment where they realise how much they need each other (perhaps something happens with Austin) would be wonderful to read as you advance the plot line.
overall, an enjoyable story. really liked reading it :)

Comment swap.
Come over to his house!?!?!?! So scandalous! Also, I love that the sister's name is Regan. Okay, my fangirling comments are out of the way. Overall, I think it's too early to make any serious comments about the story. However, you have a great foundation set for the plot to build. I think you did a good job setting the scene. I'm interested to see where you are going with Scarlet's state of mind. The fact that she is both a cutter and has an eating disorder means you can go two ways. Her body dysmorphia can be severe enough that she is also self-mutilating, or her depression is severe enough that she also has an issue with her body image. The difference will affect her psyche as her character progresses. That may be something to keep in mind. You also have the love interests set up with the foreshadowing with the teacher (which could be a role model instead of a love interest like in Speak) as well as the best friend. Finally, the rising conflict with the sister will be very interesting. You can either make something traumatic happen to the sister for Scarlet to pick up the pieces or have everything work out as a way of teaching Scarlet to let go. A lot of speculation for now because you're just getting started. Also, you did a great job setting up the relationship between her and her mother. I'm very interested to see where you go with this.

Well, the comment swap brought me here, but I'm completely glad it did. This is really great. I love the descriptions and the dynamics of the characters. I love how they're not perfect like so many things that I find on the internet. I feel like the main character is really relatable for people and I commend you. My only suggestion would be to mention something about the content so someone recovering from an eating disorder might refrain. I seriously adore this, though. It's something that people don't shine this kind of light on and it's very promising. I will definitely continue reading this, love.

[Comment Swap]
Wow, this story is really good. I especially liked the first chapter. It's short, sweet and very intriguing. I also like the layout even though its plain, it is also easy to read off. The only suggestion i have is, because this is a story about eating disorders you should probably mention that it could be triggering to anyone recovering from an eating disorder. Just a thought. Other than that I think this is a really promising story. Well done! xD

[Comment Swap]
Wow, this story is really good. I especially liked the first chapter. It's short, sweet and very intriguing. I also like the layout even though its plain, it is also easy to read off. The only suggestion i have is, because this is a story about eating disorders you should probably mention that it could be triggering to anyone recovering from an eating disorder. Just a thought. Other than that I think this is a really promising story. Well done! xD

YOU NEED 2 UPDATE THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!! PLEEEEEESE

OMG, OMG, OMG, please, please, please, continue. I can't believe how amazing this is. I'm so glad that I found this because I too am in my freshman year and can totally relate to Regan. The mother is a great character and is an amazing representation of what is wrong with a bunch of mothers. This story is so insightful.

You do have a few errors, and if I sound mean, I don't mean to at all. The first chapter could use a tad bit of tweaking. Someone told me this about my story and it really made me be a lot more cautious. The sentences mostly begin with I and are simple, as in the grammatical term. A few complex and compound sentences would be fab! Other than that the first chapter was so amazing and a bit sad. (But what book is good without a bit of tragedy)

Subscribing and Recommending

This is absoloutely great! I liked this because in some stories, when the main character is depressed about something, they make it seem too happy, yet in this story, it is clear the character is sad. You described very well in the first chapter she was feeling, without actually saying it. Does that make sense? :P Anyway, great job. I loved the end of chapter two, and can't wait for more :)
Hayley x

I feel sorry for this girl, she's bearing so much weight on her shoulder. She's got to fight her own battles, conceal her mothers raunchy nightlife and encourage and support Regan on top of all that. I pity her and I can see her taking a very drastic step toward self destruction. I hope she's see the mature option and confronts her mom with her worries, otherwise I don't see her life ending well,.