The Hunt - Comments

@ Kurtni
Agreed aha! :)

@ Bigest_Niallator
Haha, I am a human spell check when I read other people's stories. Now, if I this was my story then I'd probably have the same mistakes until someone else pointed them out! It's nice to have fresh eyes.

@ Kurtni
Oh wow, thanks didn't pick up on most of those mistakes! I basically wrote it and then uploaded it! I'm new to this and still learning so thanks for that! :) thanks for the tips really appreciate it

I like your introduction. It's very mysterious/spooky.

" If I were human large goose bumps surely would’ve risen on my pale exposed arms."
Comma after human

Some of your descriptions sound a bit thesaurusy, and unnatural.
"I kept walking into the night as cold wet drops began to fall from the sky drenching my clothes."
I think cold rain would be sufficient. You know the whole "Quality of words is more important than quantity" speil.

"It could only be one thing, Human blood, I did "
Run-on sentence. You can write it as "It could only be one thing: Human blood. I did..."

"I drew back into the shadows as I inspected my pray"
Pray is what you do in church; "prey" would be victim/food

"This blood would be tainted but by now I was past the past the point of no return, there was no hope for him now, no turning back, he was a goner for sure."
Run on sentence and you repeat "past"

"I stared at him luring him in, waiting for him to take the bait. He looked up and his piercing grey eyes met my ruby ones."
I like this line, but earlier her eyes were crimson, which is a different color than ruby.

" Even these thoughts couldn’t brake me from this zone that I was in, right now I wasn’t even me I was a predator and this was my hunt."
Run-on sentence. I point these out because it disrupts the flow of your story.

"I drained every last drop of the precious liquid gold before throwing the carcass off of me. "
I know what you mean by liquid gold, but I think you could probably use a better metaphor to describe blood. Bringing up the color "gold" as opposed to red" kind of distracts from the moment.

I really liked the end of this story, it moved quickly and was suspenseful, as you wondered how she was going to kill him and what a vampire attack would be like.

@ Silly Heart
Thank you :)

Comment swap! good story. first off i kinda liked the layout. goes well with the story, dark and twisted. the story could continue definitely make for a longer one. The character you have made it draws the reader in. make ya want to know more and read more of her. im not a fan of vampire writing but this was actually not bad :)

@ obliviate
Thank you :) I was actually think about changing the lay out, I don't really like layouts that much anyways hah x

@ NaughtyKitty
Great idea! :) thank you

A few grammar and spelling errors, but overall, not bad. A bit too short though. :( Lol, but a good short story overall. You should definitely develop this character with more stories. :) I think maybe give a short story about how she became a vampire. :)

A few grammar and spelling errors, but overall, not bad. A bit too short though. :( Lol, but a good short story overall. You should definitely develop this character with more stories. :)

Comment swap! Okay, first of all scary layout and really dark. Hahaha it's hard to see, but nontheless it's quite a good story. I'm not really into vampire stuff but this is actually satisfying to read. Okay, you can continue with your life. (: