What Makes Me So Special? - Comments

@ discoveringclouds
Thanks!! I really enjoyed that first bit! :) thanks for the help, I actually started this a while back and I don't know what to do with it now but I like your ideas so I'll be keeping them in mind! Once again thanks! Xx

Dear Bigest_Niallator,

I searched in corals, and I searched in clams. I searched in oceans and I searched in puddles. I searched desserts and searched sand boxes. Then I found you by a mountain, you were comparing your height with it. I am unsure why. You claimed you were the biggest.

So that is how I arrived at your story. The King sent me, I am a Knight of Commenting. Fear not, I am here to aid your story not take it away, to bring you hope and help it blossom, and to remind you to edit so your story flows more.

So, let's begin.

You have some spelling mistakes like disappointed and break instead of brake and metal instead of medal and a few others. You should use spell check. It's even here in the Kingdom of Mibba. Your story has a nice flow, so why not some good editing too ;)

I like your idea, it has a different edge to a typical high school story. Although the player part is way cliche, so maybe, a different more meaningful and unique path could be made by you? Maybe you can focus on this family you mention. Although it's made from showing off from the acting,maybe there are more meaningful parts of it like increasing memory skills and clear communication skills that help them land awesome jobs? Or maybe even get knighted!

Whatever you choose I just hope you stay away from those cliche cliches, players, blonde girls who hate for no apparent reason and ignored best friends. Bring in your unique touch, perspective and plot. Get away from the typical and experiment with the meaningful. Bring your originality forth! :)

Also you may like this example as the King sent it. Play with sentence length:

"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important."

All the best.

Truly,

A Knight of Commenting

@ you're beautiful
thanks <3

thanks <3 i will be updating it asap

this is so cute :) i love how Aubri just doesn't care on the outside but cares on the inside. update soon!

thank you!

~Comment Swap brought me here~ This sounds really good so far. I love the conflict with herself when she talks about the girls fawning over Mayson while she too is having problems fawning over him. Oh and her friend Noah sounds cute, even though guys don’t usually like to be refered to as cute, but hey, he is. Even though he has braces. Haha, well keep this up! I look forward reading more of this :)