October 17th, 2012 at 06:34pm
Ah, way to stop it at such an intense moment! Aha. I like how unique your plot is. I haven't seen a story in quite some time that revolved around the grim reaper, and they definitely don't come around often.
Your story had a very...story telling vibe to it, if that makes sense. It was like people were sitting around a campfire telling stories. It did get a little choppy in the first chapter near the middle, but it smoothed back out once you introduced Grim and in the next couple chapters.
I also really like how simple everything is. You don't go into incredibly detail about anything, but still write enough so that the reader knows what's going on.
The only thing I noticed was that sometimes you capitalize the word that comes directly after a line of dialogue. It doesn't happen every time, but I noticed a few.
Overall, great story!
I don't often see stories that revolve around the Grim Reaper, like the commenter before me, and I read them even less often than that. I'll admit that I got this for a comment swap and didn't have very high expectations, but I'm impressed! The narration was simple and unadorned, but that established the entire vibe of the story that carried through. I also love the characters. Grim especially is very funny, in a morbid sort of way.
I did notice a few grammatical errors (piqued instead of peaked in chapter two for example), but they didn't really detract from the story.
Overall, this is awesome; you should be proud of yourself for it, and you should keep writing it. ;)