An Open Letter to God - Comments

Hi, here from comment swap! :)

I have to say that this is the most vivid piece of writing I have ever come across on Mibba or other sites like it. Beautiful imagery, fascinating scene, I agree with previous comments it was very much like watching a movie and the detail was incredible. I will admit that I did sort of doddle on commenting though, mostly because a lot of plot seemed cut in favor of setting. Which worked gorgeously for the mood of the story and the pace at which it flowed, but personally I enjoy room to explore a story with my own imagination. That's just me. The amount of effort you put into this and the trip within the narrator/your(?) perception was absolutely phenomenal and over all there is literally no criticism to offer here. It's perfect. :)

~comment swap~
This makes me smile and grimace because it is so well- written and at the same time it is so well-written that I wish I could write as well as you. The descriptions gave me a very clear picture of where it was all happening. I cannot wait to see where this story goes. I cannot think of much criticism to offer. Keep up the good work? Now I sound like a child.

I like it, the layout is simple and effective, doesn't distract you from the story, it's a bit lengthy but it's paragraphed well so it's not in one big chunk and some little chunks.

I've read things like this before but I've got to say this is the best one I've come across on this site. Your description is fantastic, I'm going to subscribe because I want to read more, saying that I'm hoping you're going to be writing more.

I've never come across anything like this. Your story is beautiful writtem, descriptions are amazing. Loved it. Felt like i was watching a movie, you paint a picture with your words so amazingly. It's like a best selling book in a book store. So glad I found it. However (this is just me being picky) I felt some of the paragraphs were to long and it was hard for me to focus on the long ones. They could easily be two paragraphs. But over all I loved it and I'll be reading on. =)

Love the descriptions, kind of felt like i was watching a movie in 3D:). However towards the end I found myself feeling a bit impatient -frustrated by the descriptions, and wanting to move on with the story. overall, I enjoyed your writing style.

@ The Hum
I'll admit that I reread several lines to make sure that I was understanding them. I did get a sense of reality being sort of skewed for a narrator, and as I said, the descriptions helped give me that sense.

I read a lot of books with heavy symbolism, so I tend to look for these things more often. I was really glad to find this piece, honestly. It's not quite like anything else I've read on Mibba.

@ The Hum
I'll admit that I reread several lines to make sure that I was understanding them. I did get a sense of reality being sort of skewed for a narrator, and as I said, the descriptions helped give me that sense.

I read a lot of books with heavy symbolism, so I tend to look for these things more often. I was really glad to find this piece, honestly. It's not quite like anything else I've read on Mibba.

@ arye.tyler
I appreciate your appreciating (sorry for that) the voice I chose to narrate this first piece of the story. The bulk of it deals with how we perceive time, and in this first piece, the narrator exists in a somewhat delusional state because he lacks grounding in the reality of his past and future. I tried to convey that delusion with the open-participial structure and the conflicting metaphors, particularly with water vs. sweat, darkness vs. light, cleanliness vs. uncleanliness, etc. There's a lot that I'm trying to weave into the text, and I'm glad at least someone is taking note of that.

To a degree, I disagree with Lipstick Lullabies. I really appreciated the descriptions you used; they helped me step into the story and watch what was going on through the eyes of the narrator. I also thought that the descriptions were beautiful, in a raw, uncomfortably-real kind of way. They added to the aura of the piece overall.

It's a great story, really. I'd love to read more, if you're going to write more. :)

This story is definitely interesting, but there is such a thing as too much description, it could bore your readers and kind of make them kind of loose interest. I suggest that you just set up the scene and use your plot to work from there. I hope I helped.. :)

This story is definitely interesting, but there is such a thing as too much description, it could bore your readers and kind of make them kind of loose interest. I suggest that you just set up the scene and use your plot to work from there. I hope I helped.. :)