Jack - Comments

Hello, I'm here from comment swap!

Firstly, I really like the banner on this story, as well as the layout. It's simplistic and doesn't glare in your face, and still clearly tells the reader the themes of the story.

Secondly, I really like the imagery in this piece. You took your time with it to put in detail and it clearly shows. The metaphors linked with winter and the cold- everything that makes Jack Frost- are lovely. The brief paragraph about his life before he changed drew me in- as a reader you feel it's over too soon and you're hungry and curious to know more.

The only thing I'd say you could improve on is maybe extending the final few paragraphs that explains how he behaves now, because for me they felt too brief and I'd like to know more about the sort of life he leads now. The only thing the reader is told about how his life has been affected is how his love life shrivels- what about his family life? Does he have any friends or pets he cares about? Did he even have any before the change?

Hello, I'm here from comment swap!

Firstly, I really like the banner on this story, as well as the layout. It's simplistic and doesn't glare in your face, and still clearly tells the reader the themes of the story.

Secondly, I really like the imagery in this piece. You took your time with it to put in detail and it clearly shows. The metaphors linked with winter and the cold- everything that makes Jack Frost- are lovely. The brief paragraph about his life before he changed drew me in- as a reader you feel it's over too soon and you're hungry and curious to know more.

The only thing I'd say you could improve on is maybe extending the final few paragraphs that explains how he behaves now, because for me they felt too brief and I'd like to know more about the sort of life he leads now. The only thing the reader is told about how his life has been affected is how his love life shrivels- what about his family life? Does he have any friends or pets he cares about? Did he even have any before the change?

Hello, I'm here from comment swap!

Firstly, I really like the banner on this story, as well as the layout. It's simplistic and doesn't glare in your face, and still clearly tells the reader the themes of the story.

Secondly, I really like the imagery in this piece. You took your time with it to put in detail and it clearly shows. The metaphors linked with winter and the cold- everything that makes Jack Frost- are lovely. The brief paragraph about his life before he changed drew me in- as a reader you feel it's over too soon and you're hungry and curious to know more.

The only thing I'd say you could improve on is maybe extending the final few paragraphs that explains how he behaves now, because for me they felt too brief and I'd like to know more about the sort of life he leads now. The only thing the reader is told about how his life has been affected is how his love life shrivels- what about his family life? Does he have any friends or pets he cares about? Did he even have any before the change?

I Absolutely adored the imagery in this short story. The way you painted a picture was incredible. I loved how you used Jack Frost as a sort of metaphor for something that all readers could relate to (at least that’s how I saw it XD) I didn’t notice any spelling/grammatical errors. There’s only one chapter and you’ve already proven that you are an amazing writer. Definitely recommending :)

This is going to be absolutely flawless, I can tell. I'm in love already :) Your writing is fantastic and it's not overly descriptive to the point where it's annoying. <3