Your layout is hard to read at least on my computer. The background color is too light with white writing. You used a good amount of detail. It flows nicely. But I don;t know if you care or not, but dialog is supposed to be in a different paragraph for each time you change people. Like the paragraph that starts with "Did you fall in love?" is right but not in the next paragraph with "Love?" in the middle of the line. At least thats how I was taught to do dialog. Believe me if you do follow that stuff can look funny but it's done like that in books too.
December 1st, 2014 at 07:58pm
