A Life of Threads - Comments

I love it! Great job! Keep writing!!

love it!!!! <3

Excuse me while I freak out...That was horrifyingly awesome. =]

That was amazing, so creepy and awesome! Approved!

This is brilliant, honestly. You write with that sort of voice a good horror story has. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, just take my word for it. Anyway, I love the idea of this, how you come up with a creepy, horrible reason for a mysterious pain in your body. It truly made me wonder if this unexplainable back pain I've been having is caused by something of this nature. I'm sorry for rambling, I could probably go on forever.

It was so good.

@ Kurtni
Thank you for the help! I've actually never had proper critique and grammar help on work before, and since this was just one that had been clogging up the My Documents folder it's probably for the best. Anyway, reading back those paragraphs/sentences with the critique in mind I can really see where I needed the improvements, and you've hit my biggest weakness when it comes to long sentences with a large amount of clauses.

I'll have another edit of the story and try to get it up to scratch, and I would be thrilled to have it recced in the magazine! Thank you for taking the time to read

"The tiny hut nestled into the overgrown patch of brambles on the far side of the equally overgrown garden could easily be passed off by any nosy neighbour taking a peek through the curtains as a disused shed, now the graveyard for many garden tools that had rusted and snapped throughout the years of the house being vacant of any life."

That is an incredibly long sentence with so many clauses, it makes for an awkward flow. I'd break it up into two sentences after shed, and consider nixing some of the adverbs you use in the first part.

"Firstly, the shed was in no way whatsoever disused, and nor was the house vacant."

Nor is a conjunction already, so you don't need and

"Every night, as the bedroom lights of the surrounding houses slowly began to flicker out in a consecutive order, and the street lights dimmed down to nothingness, the back door of the little old cottage, whose garden the shed sat in, would swing open wide with a slow creak that could only be muffled by the cloud of sleep obscuring the minds of the men and women occupying the surrounding houses."

Another very long sentence with too many clauses.

"Beside the mirror was a cobweb lined rocking chair. Though it was dusty and old, it was not quite as unused looking as the rest of the hut; it appeared freshly dusted and did not creak when used"

Describing something as "dusty" and "freshly dusted" seems a little contradictory. Perhaps you could say the layer of dust coating the rocking chair was thinner than the rest.

"This was because the shelves and their contents were far from disused, and were the reason the mysterious figure would leave it’s safety each night."

Not sure what "its" is referring to in this situation, unclear pronoun. (also, "it's" with an apostrophe means "it is," and you want the possessive, "its")

"
Dolls. That was what lined the shelves in amazing numbers. Dolls piled on top of one another, dolls with long woollen hair, dolls with button eyes and naked bodies. At first glance one would simply wonder why a young child’s collection of toys had been discarded into this little old hut."

I love this description, though I wish it was longer and had more of the great imagery you've used through out this piece. You have an eye for detail.

"Was that Mrs Awson’s frizzy red hair?"

Titles like Mr. and Mrs. need a period after the title.

I really enjoyed this story, and I'd like to include it in a horror/halloween reccs and reviews magazine article, if that's ok with you!