Detergent! - Comments

your two ocs are super cute omg

Love the update!! Finally get to see some soul society!!

The title didn't click in my head until I started reading and then I about lost it. xD Awesome title. xD

Okay, I can tell you guys are just getting started, but so far, I love it! The fact that you started off with a flashback really caught my attention because that's something I do in my own stories. It's a great way to establish some motives, character personalities and history. You can also use it for suspense. :D I really like Sachi's character so far. I love the fact that she wanted to get stronger.

I like how you wrote the conversation between Kenpachi and Takeshi. It's very easy to picture and it shows Takeshi's personality well. Your humor is also awesome. :) You had me cracking up!

Love this so far, can't wait to see where it goes!

Alrighty, well this was interesting! I think your summary was straight-forward and to-the-point, and no one can really ask for anything but that, so all's good in my book. I also want to commend you for pointing out the fact change that you'll be using! I obviously am unfamiliar with the world to begin with, but I know that informing readers of any changes to policies in the fandom is a huge deal, so kudos to you!

The first thing I really noticed in the beginning of the story was that you've still got a few errors going on with your dialogue and the punctuation/capitalization that goes with that. It's not a huge deal because it's super easy to overlook, but I just thought I'd give you a heads up in case you're looking to edit or improve that. ^^

Anyways, I'm a sucker for openings that are either flashbacks or just dealing with younger kids, so I liked this intro. I like that as a child, she did go ahead and let someone else fight her battles; it would've been super unrealistic for her to be able to handle herself and all. Plus, it allowed this cute relationship to exist. xD But yeah, I love the ending of the first chapter, and I like how this provided a good contrast to show how much she's grown over the years in more than just age.

I love the description that you use in the second chapter. I think it works much better than just using ames over and over and over again. Mixing it up by separating them with 'the man' and 'the boy' (and especially 'the large man' and 'the young boy') makes it read a bit easier and less choppy.

Gotta admit, I'm a bit confused about the fake-English-name thing, but I'm sure that's because I'm an outsider to the fandom, so no worries there. I love sarcasm though and so I totally enjoy their friendship.

Overall, interesting story, and you've got a great foundation set to easily build off of. (:

just read the first chapter but i have enough to comment on!

wow, this really makes me want to get into bleach but i think you know from my fangirling from the anime fandom club that i'm balancing a few animes on my own atm aha. well, on to the point!

the layout it simple & i love it that way! + the green is totes my color. i love! i've always said that i had a thing for your writing bc it's so short, beautiful, & simply to the point. i really adore the way you've made up this sachi miyake character & how she idles in the distant memory of when she was five years old compared to the strong, independent, & apparently kick ass character she has developed into.

def going to read more of this! great start!

I love this story!

I'd only watched a few episodes of Bleach but I guess I'm gonna watch more now.

Wow, don't judge me for this but I didn't notice notice the title of the story. Just, "Wow, Detergent, that's a pretty neat title. Totes digging it." Then a few days ago (I've had it opened in my tab since it was recommended to me) I was like... OH DETERGENT AS IN OKAY OMG. don't judge me.

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I think the summary can be spruced up to attract more attention. I mean, idk how to word it, just... ya. Ignore me idk what I'm even saying ONWARD TO THE STORY~.

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Awe
can I just.
Awe. The first chapter is so very cute. *^* YOU GET STRONGER SACHI-CHAN! YOU CAN DO IT. and apparently did since you're Second Lieutenant but still.

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I love the attitude of Takeshi. He's just like a tough-guy, stubborn kid and that's really cute, lol.

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Yep, I just love Takeshi and I don't even know him. Anyway, I'm loving the story so far. I can't wait until we get into the nittygritty of the plot, and action. Soooo can't wait for the action.

Haha, I love the fact that the name of it is 'Detergent'. I think that's really clever! XD I really love Sachi's character the most. She was just kinda like 'eff this American school system I wanna go home". And then with that guy Zach omg that was hilarious! The humor in this is really good and aside from some grammar mistakes here and there, this has a lot of potential!

Kya! How came I only found this now? And it's a BLEACH fanfic no less. I adore Bleach fanfics to bits and this one is not an exception. This is fabulous. I think you have to take off the summary you have posted now, and add what needs to be said in the author's note of the first chapter and so on, as well as adding a new interesting summary which fits the whole Bleach world. Your chapters need editing at parts but that can be easily fixed. Keep on writing.

@ SmilingScarlet
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I was brought here via comment swap. The title is so flippin' clever, oh my God!

There were some mistakes and unfortunately it turned me off from the story, I am familiar with bleach, but anyway. The lack of spacing between paragraphs, and dialogue made it a little hard to read, I'm on mibba on my itouch most of the time, and it was just hard to read at times.

It was funny though, don't let my dumb comment hinder your drive to keep writing! Though I was turned off it definitely made me laugh, so kudos.

@ cocoa4ever
yeah we tend to forget that not everyone on this site knows bleach so we apologies for the lack of detail and we will be working on more detail :) thank you for your comment ^_^

I'm not a huge fan of anime although all my friends are. I like the plot so far (I only had time to read a couple of chapters) and your dialogue is realistic which is good. But I do have to agree with the last commenter about perhaps using more detail as there aren't that many detailed descriptions in it. I love all the Japanese names by the way (I think it's Japanese.) Although it's not my cup of tea, keep updating :)

@ Nathan Sykes.
Thanks it's okay :) You're just being honest we'll get to work on the paragraphing asap and we'll start working on putting more detail into it ^^

I have no clue about this fandom, or anything other kind of anime for that matter, except for Sailor Moon, but that's a whole different level of awesomeness. So that being said, tis a good story buuuut there should be more detail. I feel like a majority of it is dialogue. The formatting is wrong, you really should double space betwee each paragraph and dialoue because at first glance it looks bunched up together and it makes me not want to read it because I'm automatically gonna think it's a mess. I don't mean to be a meany though, sorry.

@ Mrs.Lightyear67
We're so glad to know that our humour isn't going to waste. Squiblm made up the name and we loved it and thus it stuck :) Thank you for your comment!

Lol I spent about 30 minutes dying of laughter because of your title! It just gets me. I like your style of writing and I love the way you decided to write a fan fiction on something that not a lot of pthers would have wrote about. It's good to see that.