Her Letters - Comments

Hmm. I don’t know about this approach toward writing a story. It seems…new to me. I love superman. Lana Lang and Clark Kent are my number three and four heroes. But too bad I don’t know the Zoe and the Lance character. There were no mistakes in the first three chapters. Good job on that. I always manage to make some kind of mistake in my writings.

I remember this. I remember Superman too. Can't believe I'd forgotten, honestly. Can't wait for another update. Lance is an idiot. Why'd he have to wait so long? Zoe should leave and just go out with a hot guy. I don't even know.

This is lovely written (:
I hope to read more of it soon!

Such a perfect sequel. I love his emotions and his reaction to the letters. I was sad at the end that they didn't end up together but I would have been unhappy with the ending if they had. It was such a realistically perfect ending and it broke my heart a little to read Zoe having to tell Lance that she wouldn't fall back into his arms just because he decided he loved her than. This was just wonderful, as wonderful as Superman.

I loved the layout to this too. It was just so innocent in a way and lovely. Ah, I love your writing!

HOW AM I JUST DISCOVERING THIS?
Ugh.
Haha, "O siya. Pasok na." Das how we Pinoys roll. Excuse my lame jokes, I love this story and I loved its prequel. <3 (Also, I get to work on my spelling! Whoo! Next time I converse with my cousins back in Manila I'll be a pro at cursing in Tagalog!)

...all that mattered was, "[How] do I get my Lois Lane back?"

I believe that that "how" should be capitalized in this case.

This was an interesting beginning. You did a good job at building some suspense about the end of their relationship and how he would win her back.

I felt like you really drove in the point a bit too much with all the descriptions: He suddenly felt like a douchebag, an oblivious jerk, an idiot, a moron, a dumbass, and a fool for treating his best friend like that.

There's a "magic three" kind of thing that writers use, which basically means you use three descriptions. So instead of the six you used, you could do something like, "He suddenly felt like a douchebag, an idiot and a fool for treating his best friend like that." But that's just my two cents (:

I also like the theme of Superman and Lois Lane that you're doing here, it's super cute. It's a good character build too.

Over all, this is a good beginning to a story and definitely peaks my curiosity as to how it will progress.

Nice job and happy writing!

I really like the chapter length. I love clicking on the first chapter of a story and finding that it's not a mammoth.
I also like the code-changing. I'm a foreign language lover so it's really awesome to see.

What's also great is that even though there's not a lot of dialogue, what is exchanged, particularly between Zoe and Lance in the fourth chapter is really powerful. I've come across similar conversations in my reading before about a similar situation (from what I'm guessing, as I've yet to read the prequel) but Zoe's speech wasn't your typical run-of-the-mill, you're a bit late and you've hurt me but there is a slight chance for us thing.
 
So far, it seems like a very sweet story and I can’t fault it. (I feel like I should read the prequel though, which I shall get round to!) Great job and Happy Mibbaween!

That was adorable and sad at the same time.
I don't know what Lance did to Zoe exactly, but I just feel bad for the both of them. :(
Ahaha, Aida made me laugh. She's pretty badass.
You wrote the chapters very nicely and I thought it had a nice flow to it. (:
My heart melted because of the picture. I love it.
Keep up the great work! :D

I know I said I'd read this, but I haven't been on Mibba much lately, so... it will probably be a while until I do. :/
I'm sure you're doing an amazing job, though.
I'm trying to get things organized, and so... I have to stop reading a few stories for right now, seeing as things have been so hectic and it's kind of hard to keep up with one story, let alone the thirty or more I'm reading right now that are still active.
I really don't want to do this, because I really did enjoy the first installment, but I just figured I should let you know why I haven't commented. I'm sorry. :(
Feel free to comment me back or contact me if you like. You can always comment on here, but seeing as I haven't been getting on as much lately, getting me on Twitter is probably the better choice. I'm @L1ghtweight on there.
I thank you for taking the time to read this. Maybe sometime soon I'll get back on and find the time to read this, but as of right now my life is pretty crazy so I don't really have the time to do so. :/
Your reader,
Jenna a.k.a. Nanook

Ohhh, I read some, actually.

Anywho, perhaps you could have a better setting for the story in the first chapter? It doesn't make the story flow well, it's kinda like saying, "Hello, my name is [insert main character's name here], I have been through so much. [Insert sad story here]. This is my story." It just kind of throws you off balance.

Oh, I really enjoyed the second chapter. But, something I hate seeing, 'specially when someone's so good at writing, is small paragraphs. I understand that you start a new paragraph when someone speaks, but how's about adding in some extra description, like, instead of, “Kasi…” He trailed off, whilst avoiding Kuya Albert's gaze and scratching the back of his neck. How about, “Kasi…” He trailed off, whilst avoiding Kuya Albert's gaze and scratching the back of his neck. He shifted his weight on his feet, he was nervous and sweat had already begun slowly dripping down the back of his neck.

I'm not sure if you want to get published, but, if you do, the publishers hate seeing blank spaces.

All in all, besides those two critiques, I liked it. <3

First off, I love your layout. All the pale colours really make the cartoon that is your central image stand out. Secondly, I like the Superman/Lois Lane thing you’ve got going on. I can’t really comment on the substance of the story, as this isn’t the kind of thing I normally read.
At times, I think your style can be a bit straightforward. You do a lot of telling rather than showing. Honestly, I think this would be more interesting if you took the time to flesh it out with imagery. Bearing your age in mind, however, this is a damn good effort, and technically, there’s nothing wrong with it. Well done!

Argh I wonder what Zoe's going to do!

I like how this story seems to be more descriptive than the prequel (although maybe I'm just not good at noticing things). The emotions are more vague and everything seems like it's happening slowly, which is actually super cool. I prefer stories that are slower and sleepier. It also kind of seems like I'm actually in Lance's head, going through everything slowly. Even though he got punched he still hasn't woken up. Maybe whatever happens with Zoe will wake him up! Then'll he'll get some sense knocked into him. :P

Subbed~

Gah. Guys can be so blind sometimes. Sheesh

First off, I can't tell you how much I love the layout. It's simple and neat (I really love wood backgrounds) and the color isn't too bright or two dark so yay! I really enjoy the banner as well. It's cute, plus the boy and girl look like manga drawings which I really like.

As for the story, even though it's a sequel, I still think it works as a stand alone, as in reading the prequel is unnecessary. There are a lot of stories like that, that drop the reader seemingly in the midst of something and we can find out what happens next as it goes on.

The chapters were short but I think they have just the right amount of information. You're an amazing writer and this is just so well written. It seems great so far, keep up the fabulous work. :)

OK, so.. This is your treat.
It's a sequel, so naturally I was like, "what's going on!?"

I didn't know what was happening, how Lance and Zoe's friendship plundered. All I knew was that Lance was incredibly sorry, and hurt. And apparently a douche bag (which I slightly agreed on) in the past. But how could he know that he was hurting her when Zoe wasn't saying or doing anything? But for him to always hold her hand, and kiss her! Yeah, big dick move. Considering he didn't do/say anything after.

I only know that because I read the prequel. Haha! I couldn't help it! I was curious! Each chapter was short, but pleasant. Which I like. I honestly could not find any mistakes, probably 'cause I was so interested in the story! And I can't pick out any grammar mistakes, since I'm lacking in that as well.

But damn! I like this a lot! And my subscription was a must!
I also love how you described Lance's pain. I felt it.

Good shit!

SCORE! I haven't even started reading this yet but I'm so happy the prequel for Superman is up. YES!

Layout/Grammar

The layout is just perfect. I love it! My favorite layout of all the entries so far. :) It's so cute - especially the banner. I just love those types of drawings! The grammar is fine - I didn't see too many mistakes at all.

Everything else!

Well, there's honestly not much I can say, because there was barely anything written. In the first chapter, I think you had a really smooth plot going (regarding the "cliché-ness and cuteness"), but in the second, it seemed to fade out a little. I could tell that there were supposed to be more chapters following those two, so - judging based on what you have - there's still just not much I can say.

I hope this turns out to be a cute story - I will be looking forward to finishing it!

awww!! He better get her back. This is such a cute story, I can't wait to read more, Update soon!!