Stumbleine - Comments

from comment swap!

Maybe we're both just drugs store wanderers or midnight diner burnouts... but I guess that would be how things would have been anyway if we found out how to call it quits.
- I think this is the part of the summary that really peaked my interest. The layout is nice and it seems to match with the story and it's not too hard on the eyes so that's good! I think it suits the story because it allows the reader to focus more on the story and what's going on in the story.

that everything is still about willingness the longest
This line confuses me a little, not sure what it's supposed to mean or what you're trying to say

There were some missing apostrophes here and there throughout the one shot and I think you'll find them if you just looked a little bit more carefully to find where they belong, like for example:
sometimes its just easier to play pretend where its should be it's because you're saying it is and that requires an apostrophe if you shorten it.

I think my favorite thing about this was how the speaker is talking about all the things the other main character doesn't know about like how the speaker would find someone else when everything was crashing down around her other relationship, I think it brought the story to a whole new level and created some depth to the speaker telling the story of their broken world and how everything had just fallen apart, I just really liked it! I also really liked how blunt the speaker is and how they don't bother lying about all the things that had torn apart the relationship and this was such a good read! especially with all the good language and the way that everything just flowed together so well, and I liked that you didn't go into a sex scene because it wasn't about the sex but it was about what would happen after it, and how they would force themselves to try again and whatnot. I also really liked the way that you ended it, it seemed really clever to me and just showed how we can cling to things that we once had and knew we should let go, but just can't make ourselves let go.

All in all, loved it!

i like the layout first of all, it's easy to read! One of the comments already said this but I like how it was like being in someone's head. Your writing is thoughtful and descriptive and it's rare to have a first person narrative so I thought that was unique. I'm awful at first person but you really pulled it off. I loved it and I'm going to check out what other things you've written!

-Comment Swap-

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Your use of imagery, dialogue and characterisation were really well done. The fact that you had one character speaking to another, almost like a confession, made it all the more compelling. It was a really interesting look into your MC's psyche and the guilt they feel over betraying their loved one. I also like how you use the first person narrative. That's my favourite to write in, and to read.

A few spelling and grammar errors but nothing that can't be fixed. Really well written and moving piece of work. Well done :)

Comment swap-

I liked this. I like how you used a SP song for inspiration. I noticed a few errors such as not using correct punctuation and a few grammar mistakes, but overall, you did a lovely job on this and I enjoyed it. c:

-comment swap-

This was actually amazing. Usually with comment swap stories I skim through to get what I need, but I actually went back and read this again closely. Then I read it one more time. I honestly loved how realistic you made it. It was literally like being in someone's head, which is something so many people fail to do, even when they're writing in first person. I really thought it was incredible.

Wow. Just wow. Did anyone tell you that you're fucking great? You make it so.. real, and so believable. It's like you made me agree with the cheating and the lies. It's amazing! Well done!