The Veranda - Comments

I am only four parts in and I'm in love. There's so many questions unanswered and stories obviously waiting to be told! His mother is just awful and vicious and so evil. How she could blame him because of what he was born as is just ridiculous. I feel so bad for him. He just said he was going to leave so I can't wait for him to get out of there! Two weeks of school left or not - no one deserves that! at all! what a retched woman!

Okay, I love it. The eerie vibes coming from the story, the detail. It's great. The moms a bitch, but I guess you already knew that. Nic is a sweetheart for watching over theo. Your writing style is very unique compared to the books I've read (and I must say this is written like a book. Not a fan-fiction or a short story online. It's great.) May I recommend a series "The Dreamhouse Kings" Its eerie-like also but also somewhat unique. Keep writing. Your very talented.

I loved the prologue for this. I thought it was a perfectly eerie opening, just with the way you talk about the man in the room, the shadows, and the old rocking chair. It all sets up a creepy town for the story and I think it serves well as an interesting opening for this.

The concept of mind control is always so interesting, so I like that you've turned it into a story idea. There is so much you can do with it that the possibilities are really endless.

I've only read the first two chapters, but I like what I've read so far!

Hello, I'm from comment swap and I decided to review the latest chapter (chapter 18). Firstly I love your use of description, your word choice was creative, imaginative and you have a very developed vocabulary - if that makes sense? From reading it, I was dragged into the story straight away I didn't pick up any mistakes with your grammar or spelling. I really wish I would have started from the beginning now because stories like these don't get enough attention. You're a talented writer who has a lovely way of forming sentences and creating detailed images in the readers head so it plays out like a movie. Everything is so varied and it flows and I just love it! Seriously good stuff.

Comment Swap!

First, I love your layout, the colors are nice and I like the picture that you chose. It's amazing how much that first impression makes on a story.
Second, I like your use of adjectives, they are nice and original (malignant black)
I like the fact that you gave nature/storm human qualities. Very interesting.
However, be aware of editing, because as nice as these things are, they can muddy you down.
You first chapter was nice. There was enough going on to keep me interested, but not too much all at once. I'm not very invested in the characters yet, but i'm interested enough to keep reading.

Comment Swap!

First, I love your layout, the colors are nice and I like the picture that you chose. It's amazing how much that first impression makes on a story.
Second, I like your use of adjectives, they are nice and original (malignant black)
I like the fact that you gave nature/storm human qualities. Very interesting.
However, be aware of editing, because as nice as these things are, they can muddy you down.
You first chapter was nice. There was enough going on to keep me interested, but not too much all at once. I'm not very invested in the characters yet, but i'm interested enough to keep reading.

Comment swap!

Okay, this is why I absolutely love Comment Swap because I probably never would have read this or any story like this, but I LOVED IT. I love the way you write, your word choice especially, and you put so much detail into. I loved it from the very first line to the very last (in chapter 16.) Bravo!

Heyyyy!!

Alrightyy! Where to start! =) Well for starters, i have NOT finnished reading all the chapters! So i do not know what there is to come! I have read two and half of the third chapters though! You see, this is why i love comment swap, because normally, this isnt a story id read! But i loved this one from the start!!

I loved the beginning and hated it at the same time. Im soooo curious about the dad and mother! Look forward to finding out more about them when i finnish reading! Also, i hateee the mother right now! Lol.

Nic! I love that boy! I meam, come on! Hes without a dout, a true friend! Anyone would be lucky to have him! I will defnitly be looking forward to more of him.

I love your discriptions on things and the way the plot flows very very VERY nicley! Theres enough descrition and enough dialogue! Its perfect!

Okay, wish me luck now on finnishing the rest of the chapters!! =p

this is going greatly! I cannot wait for more! There are very, very, little errors which is a great thing. I am excited to see how your story turns out as it keeps coming through. I just love Nic's character, he is just plAyed out just perfectly!!!!
Keep up the great work and I'm waiting for more to come!

Comment Swap

I have of course just read the prologue, but I can not begin to describe how beautiful your writing happens to be. Of course, I've never read anything like this and the way this woman treats her son at the end obviously enraged me. This is very interesting indeed. Keep up the wonderful work.

Your descriptions are just mind blowing. They paint actual pictures in my head. Your dialogue is really good too, it sounds real, some writers have their characters saying things that come out awkward and strange, but yours doesn't. The mother is really horrible, but almost a likable character as she's really complex so far and I'm not even through the first chapter. I'm definitely going to be reading more.

I haven't completely read this, but from the start it is very amazing. It does seem a bit slow but otherwise it's really good. I think you did a wonderful job with setting the story and telling it in a very creative way. I haven't found a story this good in a long time. It has a very unique taste to this which is amazing. Good job. And as said below this is a 'incredible work here'.

Wow. Just incredible. I can't get over how great this story is. I will admit, it takes a little while for the ball to get rolling, but once it does ... not only is this some of the best work ive seen on this site, but it could very be one of the best things I've read in my life. There are some things you might want to clean up as far as a few sentence structures and syntactical errors but seriously, just incredible work here. It's a book.

I love your starting point. It was dark. Very dark. Not exceptionally descriptive, but it's an eye catching start instead of forcing us immediately into heavy descriptions.

I'm accused of being description heavy myself, so I won't comment on that. I do have advice though - stick to one adjective per sentence.

The end of the first chapter was utterly shocking, which is brilliant because now I have to read the next chapter c: You explain the raucousness of the party very well. I felt like I could imagine it in my head.

I like the change in tone from chapter 1 to chapter 2 - where chapter 1 was very heavy and description laden, chapter 2 is light-hearted, which is almost a relief.

I did notice that you have a tendency to tell rather than show:

Nic held a smirk while reaching behind him, bringing forward two cold beers. He placed one in Theo’s hand.

Here we can say: Nic smirked, handing a cold beer to Theo from the cooler.
It sounds a lot cleaner.

Overall, really good job. Minor editing is the only thing I'd suggest - a third party opinion.

(I love the title, by the way.)

I like the details and the direction is going. From the first few chapters I have read, there is a really good base to the story, and there is many way to build upon it. I'm excited to keep reading and see where it goes.

@ E P Kent

@E P Kent...
Very nice... but i cannot read them all... i cannot stay at the computer for long hours... even so, i presume it is dark so... yea... I can see the darkness in every narration you have... if you want, kindly read my story as well... thank you!

@ NetsuroIchini
i can assure you the story turns very dark .. you just have to keep reading .. i didnt hold back.

I like how you describe your story.. your descriptions are quite good. It pictures out the image clearly in my mind... I appreciate your story and keep up the good work but as a fan of dark stories such fantasy type, I would suggest more melancholic atmosphere on the story... feel free to read my story the island at the south... it is thriller thank you... keep up the good work... arigaton-gozaimasu!

*forever crying because I wish I could write in third person as well as you could*
Scrolling through the comments, I noticed that a lot of people said that they think you added too many descriptions. Well, I think you were spot on. Although, I've always liked stories with more detail. I just find that it makes it so much vivid. Everything you wrote flowed well together, and it's just written so beautifully.
I caught just a few grammatical errors in the first couple paragraphs, nothing big, nothing that takes away the attention away from the story.
Just great job, I'll be finishing this story up for sure.

@ LooksthatkillA7X
I've finished, just taking my time to edit before posting