Guilty Asphyxia - Comments

Whoa. Wow, wow, wow. I don't actually know what fanficdom this is, so the characters were original to me :P
This was amazing, really good. The raw emotion contained in it, especially with the way you used...run on sentences to show a thought stream, was really poignant/impactful.
One of the best oneshots I've read on this site :)

Fantastic peice of work

One of my favourite stories on this site

I was just thinking of how many reviews we owe each other, and I realised that I still hadn't given you a review on this one!

So I sat myself down, all set to scan over it just to remind myself why it's so fucking fantastic, and of course instead of scanning it I end up reading the entire thing word for word. Non-stop. Twice.

Eliza-fucking-beth, you are so brilliant at what you do that you have officially taken over my free will.

Now let's get down to some reviewing, aye?

“Accident?” she whispers.

“Blood loss.”

“Accident?”

The second time that pretty little throat forces out the tremulous question, Quinn is on his feet so fast with anger that it startles me right out of my exhausted apathy, sending an unwanted shiver down my spine as he spits “I don’t fucking know, okay?!”

:cheese: :cheese: :cheese:

The way you repeated that one word, accident, it had so so so so so so so much impact and effect. Just by asking the same question twice somehow made a helluva difference.

“Holy fuck! Holy fuck Frank!”

She’s screaming now, doubled over, hands balled into broken fists which blanch her skin bone-china white.

“Why did we let her go?! How the fuck could we let her go?!”

Your words make everything so real and so desperately honest. Gorgeous :cheese: :cheese: :cheese:

And it's probably super silly of me to quote this much, but...

She screams and screams, so much emotion wracking her small body that I suddenly realize why it sickened Quinn to see her splintering; she screams until she’s hoarse and shaking and raw, and then she just folds into my arms as if she belongs there, burying her beautiful, tear-stained face in my chest and choking wordless phantoms of pain against my clavicle, pulling, pressing, squeezing, crushing closer and closer until my jeans and her thin cotton pajamas are forgotten on the living room floor and we just melt into one throbbing, bloody mess of guilt and pain and sadness. And of course I’m not really the one she wants, but her fingers are tangled in my hair, her hot mouth wet and salty on mine, and she keeps saying it as if I’ll be convinced, I want you I want you I want you, God Frank I want you; I can smell the vanilla liquor of her legs, which are wrapped around me so tightly that where she’s cutting off circulation, slow asphyxia blue is painting the lining of my capillaries inch by inch. It’s trapping me, it’s making me crazy, and at the same time everything’s so slick and liquid with sweat and tears that I swear she might slip out of my grip at any moment, just spill hot and beautiful out of my arms like gushing blood and soak the shitty carpet, evaporating into the air until she’s nothing but a fading russet stain in a room no one uses.

I really couldn't edit out any parts, that whole entire paragraph was fucking beautiful.

AND THEN THIS,

And when she says it, I know; I know she needs me, no matter how wrong it is, endorphins are fucking endorphins, and if she’s screaming my name, that’s one less breath she’ll spend screaming Skye’s.

That's one less breath she'll spend screaming Skye's. <---- :cheese: :cheese: :cheese:

Sometimes you're so good you make me want to pack in writing and just live off your talent instead.

And then the ending, which I wasn't looking forward to at frist, on account of the fact that it was so damn beautiful I never wanted it to stop, but when it did-

My heart implodes, explodes, constricts, prolapses, I don’t know; but Quinn’s shushing her now, telling her it’s okay, it’s all okay with tears in his swollen throat. He loves her, I love her, Skye loved her almost enough to stay; it’s our fault her fault God’s fault doesn’t matter, fuck, there’s too much pain in this world to hate anybody for being broken.

I can’t breathe, I can’t think, we’re going to make it, someday, even if it takes forever.

“Please just hold me.”

It took my fucking breath away.

What amazes me most is that you somehow managed to squeeze in a tiny ounce of hope, and it completely made my heart stop. After so many words of destruction and disgust and broken-ness, you come out with that- we're going to make it, someday, even if it takes forever- and that's all I can say, that you've made my heart stop again, and again and again and again, because you are brilliant, Liz. Fucking brilliant.

You've always been my favourite genius, and you know it.

I love it. I love you. :arms:

You know what? I don't think I need to dissect this story word for word and give it some huge, rambling in depth review.

I don't need to tell you which parts I liked best. I like all of it best. I am in love with every single word you type. This story is flawless, as are the rest of them.

Um. Okay, hai. Get ready for a biglongpointless comment. :]

Soooo I've never read any of your stuff until tonight, even though you're pretty much everywhere. I'm not much of a Mibba reader, probably because I'm not a big Internet person and I'm used to being disappointed with all the boring bullshit on here. Sooo yeah, I go on Mibba, write, waste my time in the forums and don't do much else. In fact, the only Mibbian whose stuff I avidly read and adore is Carys. I should have knowwwwwn though, because you're on her list of pimped outt hoez. And she of all people should know a pimp-worthy ho. :]

So yeah, the only reason I clicked on your page was because some time ago someone told me in a review [I think it might have been Sardonic Grin?] that I write like someone called carcinogenic, and I've been curious to check you out ever since.

Although, she was most definitely wrong, because you write like a fucking genius and I write like a n00b. Don't worry, there's definitely no comparison. :]

So. ANYWAY. I've been sitting here on my bed with a pile of geography homework that is no way going to get done because... well, because you're you. I just spent a couple of hours [yeah, I know, shuddup, I was bored... xD] reading every single one of your stories, no kidding. [Headlights took me a while!] I'm not going to comment on every single one of them right now because we'd be here all night, but just know I've read them and I love them all. And I'm posting this on Guilty Asphyxia [fucking hell, how do you even come up with that title?], because it only has, like, six comments or something. And that enrages me.

I'm no professor of literature or whatever [lewl, no shit], but I'm sure I wouldn't be alone in saying your writing needs no alteration. It is perfection.

Your style is heavy, elaborate, but you can pull it off. Like, it's not just, oh, Frankie felt his heart break and his ribs crush and the bones were white and bloody, yada, yada, yada. You tie the metaphors and similes in with the plot seamlessly so that they flow with the story and none of the dramatic description feels tired or unnecessary.

My absolute favourites: ... He said, and Pulled the Trigger. This one, because it may be the only piece of het on Mibba that deserves an ounce of respect. Angelfuck. Choke. Look Straight At Me. Fuck it, they're all my favourites.

It sounds creepy because I don't even know you, but I am so glad that you exist. Ha, that sounds so lame. :XD But srsly, I'm not just being a lickass when I say I now officially consider you one of my favourite writers, and I don't just mean Mibba. I would regard your stories on my laptop as highly as the books on my shelf. You + Carys + Chuck P + Bret Easton Ellis = FTW. :]]

Oh, god. I said I wasn't going to ramble. Lololololol. I'll stop terrifying you now. Although I do love you.
:shifty
Yeah.
I'm gone.
Just know you rawk harder than Hayley Williams and her orange r!ot grrrl hair. Which is not much of an achievement in itself, but I'm sure you get it by now. Bai. :weird

different from ur other stuff... but i really liked it

something i noticed about some of ur oneshots is that they are all kind of stories without endings or beginings. its like a full story was written and then u just picked out the most intense, agonizing and yet beautiful chapter out of the whole thing and made it a oneshot. i really love that

Only four comments? What is the world coming to? - shakes head -

First of all, I think I've fallen in love with your stories. Your writing style is simply incredible and never fails to leave me speechless. It's like it's so real, it actually hurts to read. It's like even if I had read this without knowing who the author was, I would've recognized it as being yours. If that makes any sense.

It's amazing how much raw emotion you manage to pack into every sentence, it just sort of jumps off of the screen and slaps you. I just love how brutal your descriptions are. Sick of her rollercoaster emotions, sick of her fucking empathy and the way it destroys her. Sick of her being so scared and distrustful, never believing that anyone could actually give a shit, sick of her still falling in love with anything and everything that shows her the smallest kindness, like a bruised stray dog that’s been kicked under the fucking ribs too many times. This one just really struck me.

Time warps and bends when you lose someone, slows down, speeds up, proprioception fails and you never fucking know where your body is in space. Up down left right sleeping awake fixed broken hungry tired doesn’t matter; it’s all about the smallest details now: eyelashes stuck together and little half-moons on her cheekbones from the way she’s been digging her fingernails into her face as she cries. If I could I would basically quote every paragraph, but this is one of my favorites, it jumped out at me and stayed in my mind afterwards, maybe because it's so true.

I really admire the way you manage to breathe life into everything, especially people's personalities. It's just feels so real. As if I could just walk down the street and bump into one of your, I'm not sure if I should call them this or not, characters.

I'm also in love with the ending, especially the second last sentance, something I often like to tell myself that eventually everything is gonna work out okay even if it takes a while. It offers a little glimmer of hope at the end of that long tunnel.

What I'm basically trying to say is, you are definitely one the most talented writers on this site. My best friend killed himself early last year and this just brought all the emotions flooding back. It even made me cry. I could just relate to this so much.

[/major teenie moment] Sorry for the major gush. I've been a silent admirer of your work for a while now and I finally decided to break my silence and leave you this sucky comment. Just wanted to be able to say when you're a ridiculously rich and successful published author, "ahhh, I knew her when she was just starting out on a 'lil old site called Mibba."

I'm looking forward to reading much more of your stuff.

That was simply intense. You've left me gasping for breath, made me remember so much. I haven't had a good cry in weeks but now I've been able to release the emotions I bottled up inside me. I completely gave myself over to this story despite the fact that there were details that remained mighty obscure. And nothing mattered because I was so deeply involved with the characters, with the situation.

You're a brilliant writer and, though I'm an emotional sap, you brought me to tears and that is amazing. You've made me feel, gave me the release I needed. Thank you.

<3 Jenn

Once again, Elizabeth. Your writing makes me speechless.



I promise to write a much better comment when I'm feeling better.

Everyone loves her, but who does she love? I love this narrative, however. And, I do believe that I'm taking your comment virginity on this one, sugar.