Liquid Harmony - Comments

@ offaithandmen
Thank you! :) This isn't all me though, it's a collab between lovely Jen and I. If you could show me how you added me as an author to No Mercy, I would be forever grateful so I could credit Jen properly... I'm glad you like it and I was really concerned about the flow of it, so I'm happy that you liked that.

So you know how I said I wasn't going to read this because of the triggering stuff in it? Well I'm reading it. Currently on Chapter 3. I've always loved the way you write, and I definitely like the description and the realistic emotions going on. This definitely doesn't have the whole :this happened. then this and this." kind of feel to it. It has an amazing flow. :)

I definitely love this story! Though I agree with celestial_royalty regarding Andy's thoughts and the details in the first chapter, these missing parts weren't glaring enough to prevent me from continuing to read.

I like how casual the scene with Jill and how Sammi and Jinxx just stroll in and are cool with Any and Jill already being there without jumping to conclusions. You did a great job remaining realistic while introducing Jill as you didn't have Andy thinking about her in any other way than as a merch girl with a good personality. Many other people would have done so, but you refrained since Andy is still so distraught over Olivia, and hypothetically, he wouldn't really be thinking about dating again.

However, please watch the line spacing between your paragraphs! Sometimes you are on point like in the very beginning of Chapter 5, but then you revert back to doing away with the separation between the paragraphs. Not only is it nonuniform, but it is also more difficult to read.

Good luck with the rest of the story though I look forward to reading the rest of it!

Definitely a good start. A bit confusing though. A lot of jumping. Needs more details. Love the start! !!!

The first chapter was really depressing. In some ways, though I don't like reading tragedy very much, I feel like there should be more detail. I understand that Andy's thoughts are jumbled up, but the wording should still be more focused around the scene where he found Olivia. For example, how was blood dripping onto her from the ceiling? How did it get onto the ceiling to begin with? As to the second chapter, there weren't any distinct paragraph breaks, so that would help with the structure a lot. The setting changed to a more light-hearted one in the second chapter as well, but it also seemed slightly irrelevant too. It would help if there was more of a description of Andy in it.

Wow. I've only read the first chapter so far, and the words scripting the emotions of the main character are so captivating. I can feel how sad, terrified, and mournful he is through your writing style. And I've always loved simple writing like this; void of improper grammer and amateur revision mistakes. It's very good. And even though I have no idea who Andy is (although I'm amusing someone famous since it's a fanfiction) I have a feeling I'll like where this story goes. I'm intrigued by Andy's past and how it'll envelope him in the future. :)