Aphrodite - Comments

Just want to start off by saying, I adore stories that are written from the male's perspective of a relationship. There isn't many of those on Mibba and I would say this ranks in the top five.

The story itself is written beautifully. The language flows, the descriptions are great, and the chapter length works perfectly for this story! It compels me to the end (which I reached in one sitting).

From the first chapter, I thought this was going to be a cliche story (which almost turned me off) but it is much more then that once the first chapter is passed.

Will be recommending this!

Even though I saw the ending coming, it in no way took away from the story you have here. These characters run so deep, that everything else seems like background noise.

I feel like Anabel wanted Caleb to save her, I just think she didn't know how to ask. In chapter two you write "“Okay then, you’ll never have to see me again,” she yelled," and honestly I thought it was just a young teenage girl being dramatic, but it's so much more. I truly wish Caleb had gone after her.

Now I truly love the way you wrote Caleb and how it's from his view point and how so ingrained all the descriptions are. This might contradict what I just said about how I wish he had gone after her, but I'm glad he didn't. Their relationship definitely wasn't healthy, but that's because Anabel was struggling.

Seriously though, this is such a good story. The chapters are both short and long enough that you just have to keep reading. It's not your average teenage love story, I think it's better.

I did see a few mistakes from a few different chapters:

Chapter 2-
"let out and huff," a huff.
"No, wasn’t what I wanted" that wasn't what I wanted.

Chapter 5-
"Anabel walked in like she owned the place, order something" ordered
"letting my trail behind" me trail behind.

I'm definitely recommending this.

Hey!

The way you write is just so clear, and yet covers what you need to say! I love it! Seriously, the first chapter almost turned me off from reading, I was like, oh hey, another story about an egotistic hot girl who all the guys are after blah blah blah. But your story is different. Actually it is your vague writing style kept me reading all the way till the end. Just like Caleb, I got trapped in the thought - that there is something more to her, something more here- and I got what I wanted in that ending.

And you know what, it's kind of funny, but I related to a lot of emotions Caleb was having- and I kept wondering why. Why! Why? Well, now I realized, it's because I have written a story called Surrendering, and the main character feels trapped, but still attached to a man who is similarly mysterious and unaccountable to feelings and questions as Anabel is. It's very interesting that your story reflects those trapped feelings in a totally different way, it makes it even more relatable for me.

All the best writing! I really want french fries and a milkshake now. So thanks a lot >_< hahaha

Take care!

Bye!

Okay chapter five was sad. I can clearly tell that Anabel is empty and she seems to have no feeling except basic ones, like being able to enjoy the fries and milkshake. But what’s sad is the obvious lack of connection between Caleb and Anabel. It seems that Caleb has only fallen in love with the idea of Anabel and the rest of the time he’s with her he’s just going to be waiting for it to get better or he’s going to be waiting for her to become what he wants her to be.

Also, I like how you humanized her in this chapter, with her over-sized sweater and messy, wet bun.

So far, I’m three chapters in and what is intriguing me the most is the sad smile that she gave him in class. If she’s so untouchable and uncaring WHY is she opening up to him in this small way?

Another thing: I don’t know if you’ve seen Teen Wolf on MTV, but Anabel reminds me of Lydia Martin because she’s so glamorous and untouchable and she doesn’t seem to care and she holds her own. That’s how Lydia is in the show, at least that’s the front she puts on at school. Truly, she’s sort of vulnerable and lonely always frightened. And that’s how I feel Anabel is going to turn out, but I’ll see.

I’ll be commenting more as I read on.

your last paragraph was b-e-a-u-tiful. <3

Oh.My.God. This was beautifully written and just beautifully done overall. Everything kept me on edge and even though I didn't want to see an unhappy ending for any of the characters, the last chapter just...it fit so well, you know? It was a great conclusion to a very emotional story, and it was awesome. Anyways, this is awesome, and I totally enjoyed it! :)

I didn’t even know that I subscribed to this! But then again, I never check my subscriptions

Anyway, I don’t really read stories with short chapters because I always feel unsatisfied. It doesn’t really quench my thirst, per se. But surprisingly, I can’t imagine this story having longer chapters. These short chapters just fits, you know what I mean? It’s just like what the previous comments mentioned; the short chapters create an air of mystery that piques our curiosity.

I think you portrayed Anabel as this two-faced girl who hides her true self behind this confident façade that she puts up, you know? Like there are two sides of a coin, there are also two sides to Anabel. Her description in the first chapter was really suiting because it gives a lot but at the same time, it doesn’t. Okay, I can’t really explain it well Anyway, I find her as a three-dimensional character which is a good thing.

I’m excited for the last chapter because this story got me hooked on it, honestly. Very well done on this story, very well done! This story is nothing but perfect.

I'm actually subscribed to this and never commented. I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I'm glad you chose this as a comment swap story because I love it!

As a few people have said, the short chapters work really well. It creates this air of mystery as you're reading and really does hook you in. The sentencing fits so well with the first little bit, especially when you're talking about how intriguing Anabel is because it does leave a lot to think about, but still describes her in this kind of hazy and beautiful way. You continue on the kind of vague approach in the second chapter and honestly, I love it. It really does draw the reader in and each chapter leaves you wanting more. I don't think I stopped reading the whole time, because I really was just desperate to find out what was happening and why Anabel had been lost to everyone.

I love your descriptions as well, especially when you mention Anabel being this plain old normal person at the diner, but still being absolutely beautiful to Caleb. I like that she seems to have two sides; the public persona that she has to wear almost all of the time and then the real side to her that can be let down when she's around Caleb. Despite that, she seems to have one personality and I like that even though Caleb seems totally infatuated with her, he still admits that she probably is just a heartless bitch.

I'm actually still really intrigued, I can't wait to see the end of this story and have all of the lose ends tied up.

The way Caleb describes Anabel is just beautiful. He's so in love but it makes me sad to know his heart will be broken.

Usually, it's the girl's POV so this change was nice and refreshing, especially because he seems so passionate.

The short chapters make it easier for me to follow (weak attention span ^^') and I appreciate it.

Overall, I quite enjoy your writing. Good job ^^

I absolutely love Anabel and her personality. She seems so mysterious and beautiful. Another thing I love is the way Caleb always describes her; with admiration and innocent love. >3< It's so sweet. My favorite chapter was probably chapter 4, most specifically the last few lines:

“And then she smiled, a smile that could compete with the brightness of the setting sun, and I smiled back, feeling like I had just won some kind of prize.

But with every prize comes a burden, I just didn't know mine yet.”

The simile about Anabel's smile was amazing and Caleb's quote about consequences was clever and thought provoking.

I really like how the narrator is a boy opposed to the usual girl narrator. I also really love how you don't now much about the girl and that makes her so damn enticing. Everything from the different boys, the flowers in her hair, and the way she walks intrigues me and I'd love to get to know more about this lovely character. Plus, Anabel is quite the pretty name .

Caleb is such a strong person for pushing Anabel away when he so clearly wants her. It's hard to resist your heart so your mind can be at peace. I'm personally going through that same turmoil and it's so nice to see a character who is doing the same!

Overall, I think this is such a cool story and I know it's going to go far; A+ :D!

AH, I REALLY LIKE THIS.

I like how you decided to do the short approach for each chapter. It fits the story. You pack so much emotion into a small chapter that it makes the reader want to go to the next one and so on.

It has an interesting story line and there is an air of mystery in it. It keeps the reader on their toes. We want to know more about this girl, what happened to her, etc.

Honestly, I like your description and writing style in this. It's clear and beautiful. I can't wait to see where you continue going with this. :)

Wow amazing chapter :) seriously loved it! Can't wait to read the next one.

i am slowly falling in love with this story (: i need more !

Comment Swap: I'm a dude but I agree with Buster Bluth down there, the layout is fantastic, even if its pink and such. The simplistic color scheme and text matches the simplistic story of one girls infatuation to another; its a great compliment to the tale. On the side of the actual story, I find it intriguing. I don't much care for romantic shinanigins but theres a mysterious shade underlining the text and I'm enjoying it. It's too bad there isn't more here to read, i probably would have continued.

The layout: gorgeous.

Oh, and it's nice to see someone else getting into NaNo here on Mibba.

I love this story so much already that I guess I'm going to have to get used to the name Anabel. I'm very picky about names, and this one doesn't seem very symmetrical to me. The spelling I don't think really fits the beauty of the way I perceive her. I'm sure I'll get used to it, though!

I relate to Caleb a lot, I had the same problem pushing away my ex.

I do hope you update soon, your language and flow is really gorgeous, as well as what you revealed of the plot so far.

I really like this. I can't wait to see what her personality is like. It seems like she's gonna be quite different then a lot of other main characters you read about. Update soon!

this look s really nice! it's really interesting so far :3