The Things Left Unsaid - Comments

This is amazing! It is very detailed with a great plot! I love how you've potrayed each character. Especially your description of the angel.. I can clearly picture everything in my head!!! Its golden...and should be actually published.
Keep at it, you're golden<3333

I'm sorry it took me quite a while to comment on this. I got quite busy with college.

The summary is actually interesting. It kinda drew me into the story. And I like the layout. The color and image aren't too overwhelming and it makes it easy for me to read and focus on your story.

The first paragraph of the first chapter is good and very descriptive. It's easy for me to imagine what's going on in the surrounding.

However, too many descriptions isn't good either. Halfway through the chapter, I'm beginning to lose interest and it gets harder for me to focus on the story.

As for grammar, English is my second language so I'm not too picky about it. Your English is easy to understand and your sentences flow quite nicely for me.

Keep up the good work. ^_^

The title isn't really eye-catching in my honest opinion, but you make up for it with well-written details. I like how you introduced the setting while describing the way the girl looks, killing two birds with one stone. Usually, a lot of people would waste a paragraph on just describing how a character looks, and I can't help rolling my eyes at it sometimes.

Straight off the bat, I could tell that your character, Sally, wouldn't be a dull 2-D character. Already in the first few paragraphs, you've already let the readers know that she was from another totally different place, her likes, her dislikes and her struggles to retain her memories of her old home place.

Okay, here goes the part where I point out a few grammar mistakes. I didn't notice a lot of grammatical error so great job on that! Here's one though:
"...been his parents’ house and before [they] died a year and a half ago..."

This sentence also confused me a bit: "He was thirteen and that he was high-and-mighty age, when he thought that he was all great and everything but he still played with model cars and his Nintendo DS." I know what you're trying to say, but I feel like there needs to be a split, or maybe there is an extra word somewhere. Moreover, I think you could remove the parentheses around "as always", but it doesn't really matter.

The only thing left that I have to say about grammatical errors is that you need to end your dialogues in a comma instead of a period. For example: "It’s gonna be awesome,” Jenna said enthusiastically."

Otherwise, I really dig your story, and would love to see your portrayal on Texans because I'm from the state. ^^ From your character's description, I'm assuming that Sally will learn the lesson to just be herself, but your writing ability will make her journey in learning it interesting. <3 I wish you much success in this story.

awesome, please update

Great work so far! Keep up the good work!