Consumed - Comments

This is brilliant. It's well written and portays a lot of emotion. I would like to see you possibly go even more graphic and morbid just to see where it actually takes you. The ending was brilliant but had you put more more abuse or something earlier in the story, made it more intense I feel like it would have added a lot to it.

Firstly, I just have to say that I really admire the layout and think it's quite pretty.

Moving on to the content, I just have to say WOW. That ending seriously shocked me. I like how it's left both open ended and close ended, like we can assume what happened to a certain point but the fact is that Jason's hands slipped and we know where that ends up, y'know? I loved how realistic this was, especially when Jason began begging Amy and Amy thought she was going to die but then BAM she's elated and then oh wait, disaster strikes. It was brilliant how you played off the emotions. This was brilliantly written.

.

Holy crap. Wow.

Well i'm going to start by saying I love how the layout is just short and simple, and it just works with the story. As a layout should c:

This was written very well. I actually forgot I was reading but I love how you repeated things and made them more apparent to the reader, that's always something I like to see in writing because it makes the emotion seem to come through stronger.

If you ever feel the need to match make, make sure that the two people you put together are not angry. Two angry people will most certainly turn violent against each other. Bruises became everyday decoration, burns weekly. Soon they will find a way to try and cope. We found drugs. For a while, everything was good. It didn't last.

This whole part of the story was just amazing to me. It made me feel like this would inevitably happen to all angry couples and like all Amy wanted was this to be avoided. She was just so done with it.

I've got to say, the end was mind blowing. I thought they would have gotten back together and been okay, but that was shocking and amazing. Honestly I feel as though maybe it could be Jason being spiteful or it could have just been him losing his grip, I love how you leave it to us to come up with our own thoughts. This was amazing.

Wow...I really enjoyed reading this story! You painted such a vivid picture without having to go miles into description like some stories need to. You have such a fantastic way with words and I loved the raw emotion between Amy and Jason. I also like how you ended it. Thanks for writing this so that I could have the pleasure of reading it. =)

I thought this story was amazing. It's so dramatic and heartfelt and yeah just downright brilliant. And the ending is so poignant it's like the happiness came to an abrupt stop. But since Jason pulled her over I'm going to pretend that she fell over on to him, and not backwards, because when she describes his face and her elation she's probably unconsciously leaning towards him.
HOWEVER (sorry) one thing really detracted me from the story and the writing (which was beautiful for the most part), and that was the dialogue and the chapter that starts with "Our love for each other has been our downfall.". Dialogue is supposed to get its own paragraph, plus the tag (which is "he said", or "I whisper"). It seems messy when it's all in one paragraph, and it kind of messes with the flow of the story. And the other paragraph I mentioned, it lacks transition words. That they're not in the other paragraphs is okay because it fits, but this one (towards the end) is quite choppy. I think the last sentence, for instance, might be better off as "But it didn't last." Like legit that's the only thing that I didn't like was that some parts didn't really flow. Otherwise, it's wonderful, how two people have such a fiery love for each other that it's destroyed them both. Amy's thoughts are pretty morbid at the beginning, which is like a sure sign that somewhere along the line during her relationship with Jason SOMETHING happened and it really ruined them both. It's beautiful.

Oh my god, Rosie! This is so awesome! :O It really has me spell bound. I mean all the emotions that streamed from the words in this story, they ran right through me! Just everyone has said before me, you managed to pull of a wonderful story and with a great ending (great as in it really got to your readers). I'm even wondering if they even survived? :O

Literally gasped.

If there's a word I hate in the English vocabulary, it's gasp. But, fuck. Did I gasp. At first I was skeptical of this story, I thought it was going to be another bad romance. Oh boy, was I wrong. It took me a good twenty seconds to close my mouth and get my cluster fucked brain to work. Hot damn. If there's something I love, love, love in stories it has to be unexpected endings. Even better, unexpected endings gone wrong (as in, it didn't go too well for the characters - woops). ;A; The writing was so to the point, raw. Real. The part where Jason starts crawling towards her, it just made everything so much more desperate. But nothing beats the ending. That small moment where we all believed that everything went right. Just like her. That felt like a kick in the balls followed with a "nope!" and now I'm all "nooooo!" ;____; it hurt much more than I expected. Beautiful story. Ugh. Just, fantastic.

JESUS CHRIST. BB. THE ENDING. WHY THE ENDING? But this was so beautifully written and the ending was quite the turn over. Really amazing and I love this and I love you, wifey. Oh, you write so gorgeously. I just don't have much to say about this other than it's just so amazing~.

Fun size chocolate.
Oh my God, that was intense. I was so happy when she wasn't going to fall and then the ending, I was like, "NOOO!" You wrote this so superbly, the way they can't function together or apart is made so clear through Jason's breakdown and her eagerness to fall and then her feeling of relief when she thinks she won't.

This is so incredibly well written and descriptive, I wish I could write this well.

The way she describes the fights and the way he slowly tried to make his way to her truly was amazing. The detail you made in describing their feelings was stunning and oh the ending! It makes you crave more.

I LOVE THIS!! It's so good. It's chilling and unique

Really good so far, love your writing style in it.

Absolutely incredible.

This is beautifully written, and you know it's good when it tugs the ole' heart strings.