Monsters - Comments

I like it! :D

Tomb It May Concern

I must say that I have to agree with pretty much everything Sunny said. You had a great plot going - it was confusing and mysterious, but not in a bad way at all. It showed how many gaps needed to be filled in, and the wide range of possibilities there could be.
I'm obsessive when it comes to detail, so I would have liked to see more of that when it came to his immediate surroundings, the time of day, etc. (Maybe I missed something, too, so I could be at fault.)
I would have liked to see a more detailed layout as well so I could be more in the mood of the story, and get a feel of what the presentation would be.
Just like Sunny said, you have a unique way of phrasing some descriptions, and I love it!
Great job, and good luck!

Tomb It May Concern:

I really liked this concept. I'm not quite sure what the protagonist was coding at first, but I think that adds to the allure. It sounded like he was in his own little world, seeing a world filled with top secret coding and Matrix-y extremes, and then real life sort of slapped the reader in the face and was like he was just a regular accountant, typing in numbers and whatnot. It was really well played out.

I would have loved to have more description, maybe of his surroundings, but definitely in thought. His thoughts were particularly straight forward for a "crazy" person.

There was something that didn't seem to follow through in his crazy life to his real life. From what I understand, he had a family in his crazy life, but his assistant (when talking to the police) said he didn't have any family? Not sure if that was intentional or not.

I was a little confused with the italicized parts and the non-italicized parts near the end. I think a bit of coding was messed up though, so just double check that!

Overall, I loved the plot and the ending, when the doctors and nurses were described as giants and pixies...grinning animal heads, and...burly cyclopses with tiny clipboards and official looking hats.! Good job and good luck!