I'm here judging the entries for the Yet Another Smut Filled A7X Contest.
Content
Your first line is a real hooker. It got me interested instantly. Straight away, I wonder how you're going to loop this into the contest. I'm a fan of the supernatural, so the idea of Avenged being demons is quite an interesting one. I never thought of demons as being creatures that turned others with a bite though - I'd say that's more of a vampire thing so I'm not sure if it fits in or not. Either way, those two were really sneaky, picking up fans at a concert! That's a nice twist and a really horrible yet clever way of going about turning people!
Concrit
it was a treat to becoming legal adults - this sentence doesn't sound exactly right to me. Maybe swap to with for?
Turning back around we saw that, instead of going into the arena, he took us to the tour bus - the first comma isn't needed.
“Are you ladies ready for the night of your life?” He asked - He shouldn't be capitalised as it's after a piece of dialogue.
hollowed out me cheeks - me should be my.
Just as the rest of the band is demons - is should be as.
Content
Your first line is a real hooker. It got me interested instantly. Straight away, I wonder how you're going to loop this into the contest. I'm a fan of the supernatural, so the idea of Avenged being demons is quite an interesting one. I never thought of demons as being creatures that turned others with a bite though - I'd say that's more of a vampire thing so I'm not sure if it fits in or not. Either way, those two were really sneaky, picking up fans at a concert! That's a nice twist and a really horrible yet clever way of going about turning people!
Concrit
it was a treat to becoming legal adults - this sentence doesn't sound exactly right to me. Maybe swap to with for?
Turning back around we saw that, instead of going into the arena, he took us to the tour bus - the first comma isn't needed.
“Are you ladies ready for the night of your life?” He asked - He shouldn't be capitalised as it's after a piece of dialogue.
hollowed out me cheeks - me should be my.
Just as the rest of the band is demons - is should be as.