Silence Is Bliss - Comments

So, here's the long awaited comment. Let me just start by saying I like the layout. Usually I tend to steer away from layouts with coloured text backgrounds, but I like this. I like the simplicity of it. I feel as though the story changes between showing and telling, if you know what I mean? I hope that made sense

I like the descriptive language used. I personally suck at descriptive language, so when I find someone who's really good at it, I just It's very descriptive and paints a clear image into the reader's mind.

I got a little confused with 'Bliss'. I feel as though it should be capitalised, seeing as it's a mahor part in the story, and you describe Bliss as if it were another human.

Also, after dear friend, I feel that the ... doesn't really do anything. It's just... there. I feel as though it's an unnecessary addition to the story, but well, it is your story

'Nothing could be of help now Trisa guessed to herself' is a thought, so it should be 'Nothing could be of help now, Trisa guessed to herself.' Also, if you're going to use that sentence, thought to herself would make more sense, or if you want to keep guess, then cut it off after Trisa guessed.

Also, it should be Bliss' instead of Bliss's.

A comma is not required after inaudible, as well.

Eyelids is one word.

long black flowing hair should be long, black, flowing hair, too

Trisa eyes flashed open should be Trisa's eyes.

Trisa, darling - the comma should come after darling, or another one should be added after darling.

you're too old to be doing this” should have a comma after this, and I feel Darkness should be capitalised, for the same reason mentioned above for Bliss.



Whimpers was the only thing that greeted my lips as I moved my back even more against the wall, if that was even possible. Trisha could feel bliss’s hand slowly lose its grip within her owns. Everything was leaving her now. Her friend, voice, and soul where slowly evaporating right before her eyes.

You changed from third person to first person, back to third person around the paragraph.

What could she expect from a worn out teddy bear anyways. should end with a question mark

I liked the concept of this story, although it was a little confusing.

Also, please don't take the above negatively; it's merely a bit of concrit. I don't mean to come off as rude

the blog will be up either tomorrow, Sunday or Monday, depending on when I'm free.

*Comment Swap*
This was really interesting but a bit confusing. You write really vividly which I liked. Is this a oneshot or do you plan to continue this? Anyway I liked that bliss was a worn teddy bear. I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes. So keep up the great work!

This was really great, and I loved the Bliss/Darkness metaphor throughout. Announcing Bliss was a teddy bear at the end was heart wrenching.