I really loved this. The imagery you used for the sea was very nice and descriptive (but not too descriptive) so it captured how much the girl loved the sea without going over the top. In fact, your description throughout was all very good.
I'm going to be writing three points of improvement on every story submitted, so here it goes.
1. I noticed one or two (not many, but just enough to catch my eye) little grammar mistakes. In the second sentence, 'starting' should be 'started.' You could have used a semi colon after '...she ended up with a mistake,' and the sentence 'we just suitably didn't connect like we were supposed to,' doesn't really work. It's just a word issue, I know, but there are better ways of using suitably than there.
2. I know oneshots are only supposed to be a small grasp of the world that the writer has created, but I felt there could've been more detail about the mother's past. That was something interesting that could have really exaggerated the difference and why the mother/daughter relationship was so difficult.
3. Just one or two words that don't make sense in their sentences. Not really any that were words I gave in the list, but I'd just say to check out the last paragraph mainly.
I loved the concept of this story too. I didn't grasp what was happening in the second to last paragraph at first, but when I glanced back I realised and it was really quite a shock. Both an exciting shock and something horrible and tragic.
My favourite paragraph was the third to last. The metaphors and description in this part really are strong and paint a good picture of why this girl has such troubled memories and a shaky past.
I'm going to be writing three points of improvement on every story submitted, so here it goes.
1. I noticed one or two (not many, but just enough to catch my eye) little grammar mistakes. In the second sentence, 'starting' should be 'started.' You could have used a semi colon after '...she ended up with a mistake,' and the sentence 'we just suitably didn't connect like we were supposed to,' doesn't really work. It's just a word issue, I know, but there are better ways of using suitably than there.
2. I know oneshots are only supposed to be a small grasp of the world that the writer has created, but I felt there could've been more detail about the mother's past. That was something interesting that could have really exaggerated the difference and why the mother/daughter relationship was so difficult.
3. Just one or two words that don't make sense in their sentences. Not really any that were words I gave in the list, but I'd just say to check out the last paragraph mainly.
I loved the concept of this story too. I didn't grasp what was happening in the second to last paragraph at first, but when I glanced back I realised and it was really quite a shock. Both an exciting shock and something horrible and tragic.
My favourite paragraph was the third to last. The metaphors and description in this part really are strong and paint a good picture of why this girl has such troubled memories and a shaky past.
Thank you for the entry!