Young Blood - Comments

I really love this!

@ Isadora Pierce
Thank you for your criticism! The taissa chapters are written by a friend so I never proof read maybe I should hahaha but thank you I'll be sure to fix everything!

You've forgotten to put periods after your dialogue. "It's not Eliza." It was him. <--- That is how it should be written. (: You've done it in many other places but I'm sure if you just look through, you'll be able to find them on your own.

You also have a lot of run on sentences that could easily be fixed with commas or conjunctions. I stayed silent I had to think of what was gonna come out from between my lips. That could be fixed like this: I stayed silent; I had think of what was gonna come out from between my lips.

I think you really explain too much about the girl's situation in the beginning of the story as well. Please keep in mind as you write, the point of writing is not to tell the whole entire story in the beginning of the story. I think you explained too much in the first paragraph.

Also, you need to space out your paragraphs because they run into your dialogue.

Don't take any of this as me being rude, please. Just simple constructive criticism that I hope will help you. You can always get a beta in one of the forums to look over this and correct your mistakes.