An Old Foe - Comments

The first thing I need to say is that I love angels, so when I read the name Azrael - I was thrilled! Azrael is also my favourite name for referrencing the Angel of Death. ;)

I'm here, of course, because you won the "Favourite Story Ever!" contest, and I'm really glad that you did. It would have been a shame never to have read this. It was beautifully written and captivating, simple and yet complex. It was well deserving of its place in the competition. =)

Congrats on winning, and on writing such an amazing piece!

It was beautifully written. You had described it very poetically, actually which had made the scenario much real. I loved it, and your point in which death is an old foe.

I loved and enjoyed reading new genres other than romance, and this definitely tops my list for today!

Wow. The sheer amount of description in this story is absolutely incredible. I love the first paragraph in particular, especially the line you've used to describe the lamplight hitting the walls. Like the phantom said, this reads very much like a piece of poetry, and a beautiful piece at that. Your description is simply beautiful, and you add enough of it in that I can actually imagine exactly what's going on as I'm reading. Saying that, the description can a slightly flat in places, but I only really noticed that once or twice. You've balanced the dialogue and the description perfectly, and you paint a picture of Alexander really well throughout the story, so much so that I actually feel like I know him by the end of the chapter.

I was slightly confused by the plot at first, but when I read the last line it all made sense. I think its fabulous how you've managed to portray Death as Alexander's old foe. I've seen it mentioned a few times in books, and sometimes in television, but I've never seen a story like this where it basically deals with Death coming to get a character before, so I really commend you on that one.

The only niggles I have are as follows. The line "and he only got older with the time" is split into two separate lines of text. A formatting issue, but it kind of spoils the momentum when you're reading, especially with all of the description fitting together so fabulously. It happens a few more times below, so whether it's an issue with the layout on my web browser or not, I don't know, but I would have a wee look at that. I also noticed a small bit in one of the paragraphs after that where you had written "avid searcher information". Is there a missed word in that line? It doesn't really make sense. The "highly unlikeable" part has already been pointed out below, but that's another thing to look at changing.

Really, I think this is a great piece of writing, and I'll definitely be recommending it!

Concrit:
"Highly unlikeable." - did you mean unlikely?
And that is all for concrit because this story was like so good that I'm at a loss for words. I'm overcome with jealous... it actually radiates from my bones.

This basically read like poetry. Poetry. And you said you were no Shakespeare! This was effing brilliant and I hope this comment is enough to make you believe it. The way the story was structured was like poetry at times and helped to slow the story down before the fiery conclusion. It was very chilling... but had a certain softness to it, if you can make sense of that. I've been told I'm good at giving constructive feedback but I can't really give you any. Wow.