Awesome start! Can't wait to read more :D Read my Motionless In White vampire story? http://www.mibba.com/Stories/Read/494679/Lolita-A-Motionless-In-White-Story/
In chapter 2, did you mean fluent rather than fluid? Just asking.. and if you need the 'cool fonts and shit' go to layouts and create them. It's a good start, by the way.