Santa, Baby - Comments

From Comment Swap
First of all, it is not "utter rubbish" I quite enjoyed it. The main character isn't a Mary Sue, she isn't going to become something most people would do. She seems pretty nice and Garrett seems like a great guy if he didn't even try to touch her for that one week they slept in the same bed. However I felt like the last part was a bit rushed when he told her he loved her. Besides that great work!

*Comment Swap* the only time I've felt the Christmas spirit like this is when we're setting up the Christmas tree! It was nice to feel the warm and fuzzy feeling once again, c: I love Norman Reedus so the second one was nice. As everyone has said the writing style is wonderful and you were good with avoiding the cliche's which is pretty hard to find.

*Comment Swap*
I just wanted to say first off that your writing style is amazing and the dialogue between characters makes me feel as if I am standing in the room listening to them! I think the start of this story is great, and you really get a feel for some of the characters right off the bat! Overall, great story! I enjoyed reading the first chapter

Comment swap!

First of all, the background and banner for this are adorable and quite enjoyable. I love reading Christmas stories, especially when it's not Christmas ('cause then I have something to look forward to for next year... Anyways). And second, the story lines are so cute. I love how you write the dialogue, especially. It's wonderful :3

Hi comment swap here :). This is really cute. You have a great writing style. You really captured the whole christmas spirit. I do agree with caniaccowgirl about the sentence structure. It might really add to your writing. You should try it. Other than that I found no grammar or spelling mistakes. :)

Comment swap!

Ok, so I really enjoy the general idea of this story. I think you are doing well with dialogue, doing well with the plot itself, and I can't wait to see how it all flows together.

My one critique is sentence structuring. Try to change things up a bit. I notice that the sentences all start with a noun, whether it be a name or a pronoun, it makes the paragraphs a bit dry, which totally sucks because the story itself is really good. If you work on that, like instead of "Norman leaned forward and laid a soft kiss..." you could say, "Leaning forward, Norman laid a soft kiss..." Just little things like that to change up the sentence structure and make things flow better. I find that when reading sentences that have basic structures, the writing dries up and becomes repetitive.

Other that that, I really enjoy this story and I liked where you were going with it. You captured mood, created lovely characterization, and began developing a great plot. Keep it up!! :)

I was sent here via comment swap.

I ADORE Christmas, and I love the layout. It does sound a bit silly, but all of these things add to a story.

I couldn't see any glaringly obvious grammar or spelling errors in this, which is always a major positive. You have a lovely style of writing, and your descriptions flow very well together. In a technical sense, your writing is great.

I know who The Maine are, vaguely. I like a few of their songs, but I couldn't tell you what one is what. Despite this, your first chapter is adorable. I love how oblivious Garrett is at first, and then the kiss at the end. It's just all so very Christmas romance ^^

I'm not a big one for romance, but this really was quite cute. Well done and keep it up! ;)

@ eminems_stan93

Haha thanks for telling me. I'll make sure to fix it.

Rubbish my ass. This is brilliant. I foud this story through comment swap. I found one mistake in the first chapter, no big deal and I'm not complainging just a 'with' somewhere towards the end was spelt as 'woth'. I really loved it, it wasn't all over the place, it made perfect sence and flowed nicely, dialouge was great and discriptions and everything else. I really appreciated this story as Christmas is coming up and I'm excited to read more.

its so cute i found it funny

Comment swap:
I really liked your story! It was detailed and interesting. Your dialogue was good and the way the characters interacted was entertaining.
It really felt like Christmas and it even included all the emotion that goes with it.
Great job, update soon :)

@Stormborn

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed the dialogue. I even crack myself up when I write.

(from comment swap)

I know it's lame to mention the layout in a review but it really adds to the overall holiday tone of the story.

It wasn't all over the place at all. I couldn't find any obvious grammatic or spelling errors. I do think the applause at the end was a little bit cheesy though! Not a bad kind of cheesy just not surprising.

I also think you write funny and witty dialogue which I think is the most important part of a story.

Thanks for posting this story :]

Comment Swap brought me here
I love this story already and when I was reading through it I couldn't see any mistakes so thats good. I can't wait for the next update and even if I wouldn't have been told to read this by Comment Swap I would still read it because it look like the begining to a great story