Ignacio - Comments

Comment swap: The first chapter is interesting, which is definitely what you want! It leaves the reader wanting to know more about why the guards are coming after Ignacio and his family and where they could be going next. There were a few minor errors in there, but they can easily be fixed. You also swapped between past and present tense a little bit and you could add in some imagery and more descriptive language to liven it up a bit, but that's an easy fix as well. All in all, it seems like a really interesting story, and it certainly has a hook. :)

Comment swap!

This is unique and interesting, except for the fact that you seem to just state facts instead of letting the reader imply. Put some mystery into your writing! Otherwise, I enjoyed it. Very nice!

Comment Swap: I think you're story is very interesting, and unique I reminds me so much of pride predidice and zombies. I like it. Just a few techniqual issues is all I saw.

Alright, you need to work on your tone and descriptions, you only state things which is very boring. if someone is skinny you don't say they are skinny, you say something that implies they're skinny, like extra holes in her belt, or her deit seems to be working too well. This helps the reader make assumptions on their own, helps them understand what sort of character she/he is. this is were the true power of the author comes from. they i did enjoy your book, it's just that it could be better.

[Comment Swap]
First off thanks for the comment on my story it was really useful. This story is really good and I like the plot of it and how the storyline goes. I couldn't find any mistakes so that shows just how good of a writer you are. Hope you continue writing :)

Okay, I hate being the bitch comment swapper but I have to be perfectly honest. I wasn't really taken by the first chapter, as the character introduced themselfs and described their appearence on the first go. I really never liked that in stories because I'd rather find out or discover in it a more discreet way and imagine how the characters would look like with a hint of infomation. But I really enjoyed reading on, couldn't find any mistakes or anything so thats good. Thinking a layout would be cool to really set the story and give little hints on what the story is about. But I liked the plot, really origional and I haven't come across a story idea like this. Keep going, it's really great.

@ Dragongirl
That's not true. I would love to read one of you stories.

Wow! This is so awesome! Way better than I could ever do! :D

Okay. Same to you. :D

@ lizzieswift
Thank you very much. You're awesome! :) If you ever need anything you can pm me.

It's only the truth. (:

@ lizzieswift
Thank you very much. That means a lot to me.

It's really good. I'm only on Chapter one right now but I must say it is impressive.