Twin Flames - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘Pre-Writes #2’ contest.

I really appreciate how you took something as common as vampires and turned it into something unique with the soulmates concept. It reminded me a little of that whole “imprint” thing that happens in Twilight in a way, but you also kept it your own—like Marva and Brian being able to read each other’s minds and feel each other. It definitely made for an interesting experience since Brian and Marva still cared about other people, and Brian is still trying to fight fate. The whole storyline with Matt was heartbreaking because I can’t imagine being in love with someone, sure that they’re your soulmate, and then finding out that they aren’t at all. I think it created a certain kind of depth to Marva as a character that she desperately wanted it to be Matt, but she also desperately wanted to be with Brian because she felt so alone and hollow since that’s her soulmate; because even if she had stayed with Matt and continued to try to be in denial, she wouldn’t be happy and she knows it. I think that’s what frustrated me so much about Brian continuing to fight it by staying with Michelle. Especially considering that Michelle isn’t…er, a good person so it doesn’t even feel like it’s worth trying to hold onto her. So Marva reached a point where she felt like being with Matt temporarily was better than nothing, so now she’s getting herself into this awful mess.

The first chapter was definitely confusing, but it made a lot more sense by chapter ten and twelve. I actually like how you had Marva and Brian’s relationship mirror that of Marva’s parents. Which lead to a twist I actually didn’t see coming at all, Marva being the end to the vampire race. And now this whole baby thing? I’ll admit that I’m kind of confused about it, but I suppose only time will make it clear.

This seems a bit… nitpicky, but you use the word ‘snickered’ wrong a lot. A snicker is defined as ‘give a smothered or half-suppressed laugh; snigger.’ So when you would use it, it didn’t fit into the moment or the emotions whatsoever. Like for example, in chapter eight, Marva is livid with Brian just barging into her room while she was with Matt and you wrote: She snickered, “None of your concern!” She snapped as she watched Matt pull his clothes on. — I’m not actually sure what you were going for here or in the other places where you used ‘snickered’, but I don’t think you meant for Marva to be half-laughing in that moment. Perhaps you meant ‘bristled’ or something along those lines.

Other than that, this was an interesting and unique story with a lot of promise.

Love it, so pretty much Matt and Michelle r being watched for black magic, Brian needs to make sure tht Michelle stays away from Marvy before it's his balls tht gets taken away, mama found out tht her own daughter ignored her premonition for Brian's happiness, the baby can be killed, Marvy's human blood is taking over her body which is not a good thing apparently, oh and Amun and mama wants Michelle and Matt to stay in the house....did I miss anything....can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

I'm confused
Honestly, I have no idea what was going on in the whole last 1/3 of the chapter. 1) don't understand the correlation of her human-ness. (Basically the whole paragraph after Brian saying he didn't understand how she was the cure) And 2) don't understand the ordeal with the baby, 3)don't understand what you were talking about when Brian said if they succeed would the baby survive. If they succeed with what?

I'm confused

I'm confused

I really am wondering what's gonna happen next. xx

Oh we have ur attention now Brian can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

Oh holy shit, Matt is her half brother omg what the fuck *mind explodes* can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

I've read a lot of vampyre stories, but this one seems a bit different in that just because Marva and Brian are soulmates doesn't mean they're automatically all lovey-dovey or things of that sort. Keep up the good work!

Marvy's mom was right on!!! I can't wait to see how things turn out.

Oh fuck me they r officially screwed and Marvy's mama called it, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

So I just read all of this and I love it :)

Love it, smh I don't kno what to say right now but she made a big mistake and I blame Brian for it, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

Gah. Can't wait to see this confrontation. Update as soon as possible!!

Love it, I think it's time u need to stop the fucking whining Marvy oh he breaks my heart by being with her he opens my wounds everytime and fight what's urs Brian belongs to u and not Michelle just like how Matt doesn't belong to u but to someone else so get a grip of reality and realize tht u heart will forever be broken if u keep acting stubborn and passive as if u don't need a man yes the fuck u do u r a vampire not a human u have a soul mate tht can feel every emotion ur feeling so get ur shit together or so help me I will die, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

The concept for this is amazing and very unique. It really puts that exciting twist on a vampire-romance story. The soul mate concept has been done of course, but the extent to which it's taken in this is just amazing. From discovering at 21 who your soul-mate is to the thought/dream/feeling sharing that Marva and Brian have, it makes so much sense.

What I really like with that is the denial in both the characters. Brian with Michelle is the obvious one of course, but the way Marva reacts and using Matt, who you can clearly see she still loves, is great. I love seeing characters using their own free will to fight fate, even though I desperately want Bri and Marva to get together of course!

Speaking of, can you say sexual tension? Because WOW. I've laughed out loud and had my jaw drop from hawtness from those dreams! Brian getting turned on by Matt was an especially brilliant touch.

I'm so interested to see more revealed about Marva's parents too. I really like that you've put that plot-line in there too. I feel quite sorry for Michelle too, even though cheating is something I don't condone or like. And Matt...my heart really goes out to him. Hopefully Val might come into it at some point though???

Anyway, I love this story!

Irritated. Extremely.
She's being dumb, and I wish that she'd atleast attempt to act like everything isnt ok and peachy. Being passive clearly isn't working. I say it's time she fights for what's inevitably gonna be hers and get the ball rolling. Her one opening to do so and she's deciding against it so she doesn't get 'heartbroken'. Too bad when Brian and Michelle continue to live happily ever after, she's still going to end up heartbroken. And then heartbroken again when Matt finds his mate.

Love love love it

I can't believe Marvy is willing to be heartbroken twice like seriously once Matt finds his mate she is single forever while she watches her mate be with some bitch who is still bitter from the loss of her mate, bitch tht don't give u the right to steal someone else man becuz u don't have one, anyhoo can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

I like the way you describe things. I wish I could write like you my friend.