Imperfect Perfection - Comments

Can't wait to read this!

There is definitely more I just hadn't thought anyone was reading but ill be sire to update again soon :) @ kittymeow1993

Loved it, please tell me there is more to this. Been looking for a story like this for ages. Please update.

★★★★★

♥

@ Kittyn96
Yeah someone around me said world and I typed it instead of day :P

@ It'llgetbetter
Yesterworld? Wow.....

It's okay that you didn't update yesterworld

@ Kittyn96
Nailed it

@ It'llgetbetter
I was going for creepy :)

@ It'llgetbetter
I was going for creepy :)

I love this and that hunter is sort of creepy looking :)

Hi. I'm here from Comment Swap, so if you'd like to read and leave feedback on War on the Wind in return please, that would be appreciated. Thank you.

First of all, it's an interesting concept you have here for your story. This secretive relationship between an archangel and a demon, who just so happens to be the son of Lucifer. The punishment for fraternising with the neverworld, or is it netherworld? That scene where her father cuts off the wings had me cringing. I could picture it in my head, and unfortunately, I couldn't turn away from it and save myself the horror of the crude amputation.

So, I do like the story, but at the same time, there were at times things that I picked up on that did slightly deter me. First thing I noticed was in Chapter 1, first paragraph, the two ending sentences. 'We pulled apart quickly when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled apart when I got a text message from my Father.' I feel like it's an unnecessary repetition here, giving just a slight differ in the information that you'd provided the reader. The first sentence saying the phone buzzed in her pocket, whilst the second informed you that it was a text from her father. Maybe you could shorten the second one or merge them? e.g 1: I pulled apart when my phone buzzed in my pocket. A text from my father. e.g 2: I pulled apart when my phone buzzed in my pocket, noting it was a text from my father when I retrieved it.

I noticed you also seem to shift tenses from present to past. Let me see if I can find the best example. This is from Chapter 2. E.g: 'My stepmother picked up her book and continued to read which means that me and D'Artagnan are allowed to go to my room.' In this sentence, there are two words that shift it from past, to present. Those two words are 'means' and 'are'. To keep it in a fluent tense, it should have been 'My stepmother picked up her book and continued to read, which meant that me and D'Artagnan were allowed to go to my room.' Also note the comma I inserted between 'read' and 'which'?

Another thing I noticed was this sentence in Chapter 3 at the end. e.g: “If I tell you, you have to keep calm.” I said, finally looking up at him. He nodded and I took a deep breath.

“I'm pregnant.”

I just wanted you to know that you don't need to start a new paragraph if it is the same speaker talking :)

As I said at the start, great concept for the story, you've done well with the writing in all honesty. Just a few things that I would watch out for during the process of writing further chapters and if you wanted to edit the ones already posted. Your descriptions are good, but could possibly add more to them. Overall, it's an enjoyable read, and I can say that I would be interested in reading the 4th Chapter when it comes out. Keep up the good work.

I love it, I love it, I love it. KEEP WRITING.

Here from the world of comment swap!
Okay so first of all awesome!!!! you had me at the edge of my seat on the last chapter! i kinda forgot that it was a dream. I can't wait to see what happens. It could be a little more descriptive or it couldn't i like that it is fast past and thrilling and awww romantic! you can totally see how much he loves her. I really hope she's okay though , i can't imagine what there going to do if she actually gets sent down to earth, though that would be fun so i can't wait to see. i also hope her and her father make up some how because daddy issues are no fun.

I'll start out by saying that I generally don't read very much of anything regarding anything other than plain jane humans, but this is something kinda awesome. I'm dying to know how Fely and Danny met, you know? If you don't update any more soon, I'll be highly upset. The only advice I could offer is to watch the small things. (your, you're, its, it's... blahblahblah) Looks great!

@ Miss Preciado
Thanks I have a bunch of chapters already written so that I can consistently update. When I get some free time I'm defiantly going to go back and add details.

I really liked this. You should defiantly stay updated on it. I feel like it could go places. There could be a slight bit more detail, but other than that, it's really great. The romance thrown in it makes it perfect. It's quite amusing, I'll defiantly be recommending this for others to read. It's a really great plot. Also, I like the names you made up. They really fit with the storyline. Keep writing. (:

Alriiight, first comment. Wooooo! So down to the business of things; I feel like there could be more detail. Like what is their world like, where do they live, etc. It feels like a Romeo/ Juliet feel, which I hardly ever read anything like those anymore. Great job though, doll.