Oblivion - Comments

A life unused for a greater feeling of peace. Ended too soon, consumed by grief. No food consumed, although she is in expensive treatment. Oh, what others would do to be in her place, but they have now reached bereavement.

We forget too much how blessed we are. To have even these thoughts about our past scars. Giving up and being sad is not the only option that we have.

There's so much more to life, even as I type. I can reach the ends of the world with my words, but all I'm trying to do is to encourage one young soul. Don't give up, don't be consumed with dying. It's important to remember though, because it's best to pray when you are crying.

Thank you for entering this in my contest!

I like the layout. The sort of cute pattern of the content background is a nice contrast with the darker picture up top; it makes me think the story will have undertones.

Oh, man. That first line is an attention-catcher, great job opening the story with such fantastic and real imagery! The first paragraph makes me feel like this person, man or woman, has an eating disorder and they are in the hospital. I love that you say 'cell', it really reflects the narrator's attitude.

YES, I was right. Boom. Knew it. Great job of showing and not telling!

The last paragraph is great, too. I love the angel/demon, and the fact that I can't tell if she's going to heaven or hell or somewhere in-between.

I would've loved to have seen more detail, more information about her, but it was really excellent over all.

Hi, here from comment swap. :)
I dont usually read original so i came into this story not knowing what to expect. That being said,your story was really good. RIght away I was pulled in. Your story flows easily and is really descrpitive-as if i was there with no problem. Overall,I thought it was really good-my only complaint is that I would've like to know her back story a little more. Besides that,I think everything was perfect. :)

Wow this is actually really really interesting. Like, it's crazy actually. I think it's really beautiful in a way. It automatically caught my attention. I want to know more about the girl and who she is. I found that relateable mostly because I've been in the hospital before and the food kinda is like poison, but not the way she saw it obviously. Anyways, good job.

Comment swap: I'm curious as to where this is going. It seems pretty well written and I think you have a good idea of where you're wanting to take your character. I just wish there was more of her story told in this first part.

Comment Swap: This is a well written piece. Your first line seems a little pumped with steroids (fancy adjectives, ect.) but apart from that its good. You really create the image of someone who regards the world through that distorted lens, especially the part where she describes the food as poison. Well done.

This sounds really interesting. It’s a sad topic, that you managed to write in a very moving manner, and I think that you described the character’s feelings really well. Although it was short, it was able to carry over the emotions in a manner that was touching to the reader. I really like your writing style and how everything is nice and fluid. Personally, I feel as if you’re a really good writer, and I look forward to seeing more of this story. I’m guessing this person is struggling with either anorexia or bulimia? This is a really interesting start to a story. I’m hoping that you’ll upload more soon, unless this is it. In which case, it was great reading this!

This sounds really interesting. It’s a sad topic, that you managed to write in a very moving manner, and I think that you described the character’s feelings really well. Although it was short, it was able to carry over the emotions in a manner that was touching to the reader. I really like your writing style and how everything is nice and fluid. Personally, I feel as if you’re a really good writer, and I look forward to seeing more of this story. I’m guessing this person is struggling with either anorexia or bulimia? This is a really interesting start to a story. I’m hoping that you’ll upload more soon, unless this is it. In which case, it was great reading this!

I really like how you worked in the six word story into this.
It's really a beautiful story; sad but beautiful.

I like it, it is so, intriguing. I love it. It is written beautifully, and it is sad, but I find it sweet. x

I like it, it is so, intriguing. I love it. It is written beautifully, and it is sad, but I find it sweet. x