Are You Serious? - Comments

More?

While I think the story line is going good so far I can't help but draw comparisons to Glee and the Brittana relationship which seems to be exactly what you are recreating here. Luce is a perfect Santana and Dallas seems like Brittany.. Blonde and ditzy. I don't know if this is your angle, as a type of fanfiction between the characters or not.

Either way keep going

It's a really cute story and Dallas is really cute personality wise I like it

Update?

Okay, so this plot is very promising and sounds pretty interesting. I think that its quirks kind of help differentiate your story from other stories out there. I like the characterization of Lucy, Beth, and Dallas in particular. It seems like things kind of make sense for them and they more realistically represent people in general instead of the typical story characters that harness some form of stereotype or perfection.

Anyways, I think that there are a lot of grammatical errors, especially in the first chapter. There were a lot of run-on sentences and a lot of commas that are out of place. I suggest you read through the chapters again and make the slight adjustments. But otherwise, I enjoyed the read.

Oh, and let me just tell you how much I appreciate Dallas' randomness. She isn't someone you can fit in a stereotype since she is just so friendly to everyone but has some mixtures of randomness and ignorance and even oblivion that cannot be completely explained. It is like something you absolutely cannot place a finger on, ya know? keep up with the awesome characterization and watch out for the grammatical issues!

So many had already informed you of your errors and so forth so all i'll simple say is that I'm a fan and would love to read more of this climaxing story.~ (:

I adore this story :C please keep

Well, I noticed several grammatical issues. The first sentence, for example, contains a comma splice. One of many comma related issues in this piece. Also, there were spacing issues between some of your paragraphs that were distracting to the eye and simply not pleasing aesthetically. There were several instances involving incorrect capitalization. When writing dialogue, you should always capitalize the first letter just like when you start a new sentence. These issues are rather major ones because they jar your reader and disrupt the flow of your story. Personally, I had a lot of trouble focusing on the content of your story because I kept stumbling over awkward structuring. I would suggest investing in a beta reader. I'm sure this story could be wonderful with just a little touching up.

((Sorry, I accidentally submitted that before I'd finished typing. Apologies.))

Anyways, I thought your plot was interesting and unique. The cat bit is incredibly cute. I can't say I like Luce's character. She reminds me of those horrible girls at school that step on other people for kicks. But although I dislike her as a person, it's interesting to see a lead character that isn't the cookie cutter 'nerdy girl who falls in love' that pops up all over Mibba. Dallas seems more personable, and she really seems to balance Luce. So, in short, I liked it!

Comment Swap

Well, I noticed several grammatical issues. The first sentence, for example, contains a comma splice. One of many comma related issues in this piece. Also, there were spacing issues between some of your paragraphs that were distracting to the eye and simply not pleasing aesthetically. There were several instances involving incorrect capitalization. When writing dialogue, you should always capitalize the first letter just like when you start a new sentence. These issues are rather major ones because they jar your reader and disrupt the flow of your story. Personally, I had a lot of trouble focusing on the content of your story because I kept stumbling over awkward structuring. I would suggest investing in a beta reader. I'm sure this story could be wonderful with just a little touching up. ^^

Doing great so far some slight mishaps with some words but nothing major :) but keep it going subscribed and stuff and hope to see it updated soon :)

Really love it can't wait for more instalments I don't think you should let Luce lose her bitchy side though, keep her almost dangerous and Dallas giddy and happy and clueless ^^ but complementary ofc.

Really love it can't wait for more instalments I don't think you should let Luce lose her bitchy side though, keep her almost dangerous and Dallas giddy and happy and clueless ^^ but complementary ofc.

@ Super123
Will do today so keep an eye open!

i love this story..please update.: )

I'm loving this it's adorable and addictive soo cute i love how ditsy she is xD I so wanted to read more xD

Keep, keep, keep!

This story pretty good. Im Happy your fast at updating !(:

I was brought here by Comment Swap. (:

This seems really good. I'd defiantly stay on top of your updating. This story could go somewhere!
I did find a few grammatical and punctuation error, though. I'd re-read the chapter before you submit it, and make sure everything is acceptable. The layout is phenomenal. It's simple, yet elegant. I really like it so far! It looks like you've got writing skills! Continue! You might just go far. (:

Here from the comment swap. I'm probably not the best person to comment this, as I don't really read anything like this very often, but I'll say this. The story itself seems good. Just pay attention to the gramatical stuff. Punctuation and capitalization and all that. Looks good!

aww thank you!