Magic - Comments

swell (150)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 29
Location:: Australia

Layout/Summary: The layout is really cute and I love the teddy. I'm intrigued about the title and how it ties in with Harry, some cute as kid and the mother. A small summary would have been nice though, the prologue would have been a great summary to fill in.

Prologue: Although the prologue was short, it was interesting and definitely drew me in. I liked the connection between Payton and Harry, although it was unclear whether Harry knew about his kid. When you talked about Harry going back home you changed tenses, and it would make better sense if you changed it all to past tense. Otherwise, I liked it.

Chapter One: I definitely enjoyed the length of this chapter far better, probably because it was an actual chapter as opposed to a prologue. Night time is two words though, not one. The third paragraph start should be 'I rolled off my bed', without the 'of'. I loved Fin's attitude, as a young child she was so enthusiastic and she was well portrayed. I quite liked the ending, seeing as Fin will probably meet Harry in the next chapter. I'm excited to see how this pans out, so I will definitely be subscribing :)

January 19th, 2013 at 11:31am