The Scars on Her Skin - Comments

Here from comment swap

Oh wow, this was good! You bring emotions across very well, I can feel what they're feeling. You have a nice layout which is easy to read too, which is good. There isn't much I can fault you on, so I don't know what to say. Good job!

The thing I love about this story is that it is enough to be complete, yet it leaves the reader asking questions and could potentially be turned into a chaptered story.

From the beginning of the story I was drawn in by your description. You began letting the reader in to the character's head by describing his foot tapping, and his hate of the disinfectant, which allows for an audience to immediately share his unease of his situation. This was furthered by your effective use of punctuation between all the feelings that was going through his mind at the time.

You finished the story on a bitter sweet note for me. 'The last time' had connotations of all the pain that the female character experienced had stopped, but at the same time the pain was being transferred over to him.

Overall, I believe that the only way that this could be improved would be to be a little more descriptive throughout the piece, but this would be solely your decision as at the same time I think its short nature effects the impact on the reader. :)

Comment Swap bought me to your story. Simple lay out that doesn't catch my attention but at the same time it doesn't do the most for the story. The story period wasn't what I expected. It was interesting and I could see this being a future story with more chapters. I wish I knew more about the girl but I guess that was the whole point. This is excellent for a short story.

{Comment Swap On my Doctor Who fanfiction}

I'm surprised I'm even writing this because of the migraine I have right now because your layout has too much contrast and you need to sort it out. This will effectivally loose readers. Other than that, I did find it very interesting and I do agree with the others, I thought it was going to be a basic story about cutting but I was wrong so brownie points for you! The description is great and there are no grammar errors that I've seen.

- Hannah

Like the reviewer below me said, the black-on-white made reading this a little irritating. (The contrast gave me a little headache.) Although, I liked your writing style. It was a nice balance between description and action. I didn't find any grammatical errors, either. Good job! Very emotional piece.

I liked the layout, but the black on white is bit too much of a contrast and can give people a slight headache, so just keep that in mind. I really like your writing style, it's very descriptive and balanced. Though I was initially discouraged about the title, you managed to change my mind. Hopefully, you continue to write things as well as what this is done xx

The layout was really simple, which I like.

I agree with witheverything; , I didn't really like this story at first. I thought it was another boring cliche drabble from an angsty preteen that thinks their life is so much harder than it actually is.

However, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't all sadness and gore, it was beauty and compassion. Overall, I liked it.

Comment Swap brought me here and at first, I was quite discouraged. I assumed it was one of those crappy stories about cutting. However, I was so pleased by your imagery and description of the way he felt that I can't think of any other word besides beautiful. I did really like this. I think you tacked cutting and suicide in a really delicate and passionate and true manner. It was wonderful.

I found this story via comment swap!

Oh my god, I loved this. The words you used had me feeling such sorrow, but what really got me a little wet in the eyes was the last part. Kissing her scars, ugh! That was perfection. I love your story because it addresses real problems.

Keep up the writing darling, I saw not that many mistakes, but you might want yo change the color for the writing. It's white text on white background o.o

I love this story and how deep you have made me think. I'm from comment swap and I think that the way this is written is great and I only wish there was more to the story. You are a great author and I think you could go far. Carry On writing

It's so expressive and beautifully written. You really touched my heart and took it to the bottom of my stomach at the end of the story. It made me cry and just feel everything at once about this girl. Why was she so sad?

It's so short, but it portrays so much emotion. I've lost people to such things, and been close to losing more. You can just picture walking down those white halls, feeling your own stomach drop as the scene is played out in your own head. It's absolutely beautiful.