I say keep. Seems interesting :)
December 14th, 2012 at 02:51am
I liked this. I'm hoping you'll continue it. It was simply eerie to read, sort of like a reality meets imagination type deal for me. I don't know if you understand that. How you pointed out the good and bad things about the father, made the mother seem so beautiful and happy...the reader can just infer that they are screwed up. And it's on the inside where no one can see. And it's sad.
I did notice a few errors. You have a tendency to forget to insert commas sometimes. EX:
Her name was Emmy she was born before Donney.
You need to put a semi-colon there, actually, before she, I believe. That was a bad example, lol. But here: "I don't know how though he barely left the basement." You need a comma before he. (: